April 30th, 2009
Tupac Lives!! No, Totally, For Realz!
Elvis Presley, Jim Morrison, and Kurt Cobain are definitely still dead, in my opinion, but I have NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that Tupac Shakur is still alive; that his shooting death was simply a hoax so that he could go deep underground, sell shitloads of albums “posthumously,” and then resurface anywhere he likes — say, at a New Orleans bar — and no one would believe it was really, truly him. But I BELIEVE! And that’s thanks to that bastion of journalistic integrity, TMZ (which actually has broken stories about Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, and bankers going on lavish spending sprees with bailout money), which just published photographs of Tupac in a Bourbon Street bar last weekend, proving BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that the rapper is still alive. Hurrah! Hope this doesn’t, ahem, kill his future album sales. Here’s a photo, courtesy of TMZ!:
Definitive proof, yo!
