May 27th, 2009
Breaking News: Jimmy Buffett Sucks.
I have never liked, “gotten,” or appreciated Jimmy Buffett. Call me a snob or a “fun-hating idiot” if you like — even though I plenty enjoy beer, tropical beaches, palm trees, and breezy, summery pop songwriting — but I’d rather be slowly digested by a large sea creature than subject my ears to “Margaritaville” or “Cheeseburger in Paradise” and the rest of the dude’s insipid catalog. And his faithful “Parrotheads” are about as annoying and mockworthy as Deadheads and Juggalos. I guess I’m in the minority, since Buffett and his “Coral Reefer” (har har) band are coming to town next month (June 18th and 20th) for what’s almost certain to be two very well-attended shows at Susquehanna Bank Center. However, I’ve found at least one kindred spirit in the Phoenix New Times‘ Craig Outhier, who recently penned the hilarious, insightful (and gloriously titled) takedown “Jimmy Buffett Killed Vacationing.” An excerpt:
It’s meaningless to debate Buffett’s merits as a musician. We might as well discuss L. Ron Hubbard’s legacy as a science fiction writer, or pile on John Wayne Gacy for his shitty animal balloons. No matter how valid our arguments, they would miss the larger truth, the real story.
The real story is that Buffett has sunk his silly little three-chord hooks into America’s collective conscience and won’t let go. The 62-year-old tropical-rock pioneer is no longer a mere musician; he’s a lifestyle guru, a canny opportunist who’s branded and co-opted the “island escape” fantasy so many times over and in so many different mediums that he’s effectively inserted himself into the fantasy itself. And that’s fucking criminal, amigo.
Think about it: When was the last time you took a trip to Mexico and didn’t hear “Margaritaville” blare at some beachside bar? Or a friend didn’t download Havana Daydreamin’ on iPod and unwittingly use it to befoul your docking station? Because, hey, we’re on vacation, and what could be more apropos than Buffett?
I was forced to confront this unfortunate line of thinking several years ago, during a sailing trip in the Caribbean. It was a great time, but the captain insisted on playing Buffett during dinner, and it was galling — much like being forced to dine at Olive Garden while vacationing in Rome. Why listen to some mediocre folk singer warble on about warm trade winds, stiff drinks, and all-night conga lines when the genuine article is right here?
11 Responses to “Breaking News: Jimmy Buffett Sucks.”
By Pierre A. Tedd on May 30, 2009
I cannot understand what is so ‘threatening’ to your lives about Jimmy Buffett that you have to protest and focus on him.
There’s something there, but i’m not a psychiatrist. My word to you:
Get some therapy.
By Michael Alan Goldberg on May 30, 2009
Sorry, my therapist can’t figure it out either. I think I need an Ecuadorian medicine man to cure me.
But I’d say Jimmy Buffett is less “threatening” than “annoying,” and in the case of Mr. Outhier, “inescapable.” I’m glad there is absolutely nothing in your life that you find annoying, or that you have any sort of opinion about. Must be nice.
By Gary S. on Jun 5, 2009
Well, I can understand what’s threatening about him.
I was born, raised, and lived most of my life in South Florida. If you haven’t lived there, it is difficult to comprehend the relentlessness with which Jimmy Buffett is crammed down your throat.
You can’t go to a restaurant, a bank, a department store, a government office, a mortuary — yes, I heard “Margaritaville” in a mortuary once — or turn on any radio station without being subjected to Jimmy Buffett’s eight-song, thirty-year-old music catalog.
Jimmy Buffett’s music sounds like it was designed by a Muzak firm to invoke warm and relaxed and happy feelings, as if for use in a retail store where everything is made of seashells. But it’s broadcast so aggressively you feel like you’re in a Nazi brainwashing experiment. If Kim Jong-Il ruled Florida, the Pochonbo Music Ensemble would write “Cheeseburger in Paradise.”
And people would eat it up. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched people marvel at the wonder of some Jimmy Buffett song about sitting in a Florida bar drinking a beer… while they’re sitting in a Florida bar, drinking a beer. God save me from people who need to listen to songs about THINGS THEY’RE ACTUALLY DOING.
That aspect, combined with the agedness and shallowness of Mr. Buffett’s music catalog, makes you wonder about the intelligence of these “Parrotheads.”
And I’ll let you in on a secret: About two-thirds of Florida natives venomously hate Jimmy Buffett. You show me a Parrothead, I’ll show you a retired yuppie with a farmer tan and season tickets to the New York Jets.
By Turnip on Jun 14, 2009
How could you criticize Jimmy Buffett? He’s a national institution. Your opinion piece was very mean…but spot on and well done.
I would have more respect for Jimmy Buffett (I know, that’s a stretch) if he had a record label that promoted young talent or if he collaborated with Alison Krauss or did something musically challenging. But Buffett would rather promote his tropical in-joke year after year just so aging professionals and professional slackers can believe they’re still hip and relevant.
It’s not hip to act half your age and pretend like this tragic earth is all coconut drinks and Hawaiian shirts.
Jimmy Buffett is what college professors put on the stereo when they lure young co-eds over to their bachelor pad.
By Eric on Aug 8, 2009
My friend always plays buffet before we go fishing and I’ve always lived in the tampa area. buffet annoys me. i try to like it but I’d rather have some alan jackson or something rather than buffet. I don’t feel a ”vibe”. I’d rather drink my beer to George strait and chill on the beach listening to pepper or slightly stoopid. I think buffet already made his point in just about every song …that being every song sounds the same. IF the title names werent so stupid i might take a slight interst in him but grapefruit-juicy fruit sounds pretty gay from the start…
By desklight on Aug 29, 2009
true,true jimmy buffet sucks
By Tim S. on Sep 5, 2009
THANK YOU!! I was forced to go to a Buffet concert last year, it was one fo the most horrific experiences of my life. His music is terrible, boring, unispired and requires little, to no, musical ability to perform. To make it worse I was surrounded by the drunken idiots collectively known as parrotheads. What a bunch of retards! Not one of them has an IQ over 85, no wonder they like this guy. I had to leave the show after about 30 mins before my head exploded.
By Talentless on Oct 11, 2009
I used to work at a shoe store which sold Jimmy Buffett brand sandals. I will always remember that day I opened the box to see those sandals as the day I lost faith in the humanity and goodness of society. WTF? Jimmy Buffett? Why not Ashley Judd stilletos? Or Tom Sizemore running shoes? Few people would have the balls to brand their name so shamelessly while lacking any discernable talent whatsoever. Corporate America, with its lack of judgement and love for trends, happily signed the check. Jimmy buffett doesn’t like you. But he loves your money. I’m sure the only people who dispise every fiberof this man’s being more than myself are the waiters at his restaurants, or the Philipino garment workers fashining his inferior shoes in sweatshops half way across the Pacific. But wait, they DO live on an island, so I’m sure they love his care-free style, attitude and lack of talent. Jokes on you, Parrotheads.
By Shoegazer80 on Nov 13, 2009
First off,thank you for stating the obvious,Jimmy Buffett sucks,but doing it in an entertaining,constructive,just goes to show that nothing of any redeemable value has ever spawned from that alligator infested shithole known as Floriduhhhhhh,Jimmy Buffett,that guy who sang that “Bogie and Bacall” song,rednecks wearing flowery shirts,Limp Bizkit,Old People and so on and so on,I remember growing up here in Colorado and Southern California,and seeing all the fratboys and stupid preppy cunts always rolling out in beach ware when ever that douchebag were roll through,on one of his oldie/new shit no one cares about tours,it still makes me shudder thinking about it!!!
By Tom from Long Island on Dec 20, 2009
I wonder how many people have ruined their lives by imitating his songs. How many car crashes, divorces, deaths and other calamities due to alcohol has his music inspired. Jimmy quit drinking in the late 80’s. Any good drug dealer knows that you don’t do your own product. I’m a musician and a golfer. I’ve worked and played with him. He doesn’t drink…it’s all an act people. a very sick act.
ps- what’s sad is that he is a great songwriter, only he pimps alcohol to make his scratch. And what a great family man, ask his kids where he was when they we’re growing up…not his mid life crisis kids, the first batch.
By peter graminiano on Jan 24, 2010
uriah heep number 1, lou diamond philips number 1, jimmy buffet ha phooey