But first, today is something called “Human Family Day,” which is “a multi-cultural celebration presented by The Barbershop Talk Human Family Day Foundation, Inc” and about embracing diversity as a part of human existence. (See: A holiday you just heard about, and aren’t already completely annoyed at?) Mayor Michael Nutter will be speaking at a press conference later this morning for the holiday’s 12th anniversary.

This is fun, too: “Mayor Michael A. Nutter announced that His Royal Highness Prince Edward, youngest son of Queen Elizabeth II, will visit Philadelphia April 26 and 27 to honor Her Majesty’s Diamond Jubilee year and to support the Duke of Edinburgh’s Award program in the city.” And here I didn’t realize they could bring entire islands to cities to visit.

An NBC News affiliate in Washington, D.C. notes Philadelphia’s jokey texting lanes put into place on April 1st may be a “harbinger of the future.” We agree. This seems like the sort of thing they’d put into place before city-wide bike lanes.

First it was the man on the moon, now it’s finding Bin Laden. City Council is debating doing something about ‘bandit signs’ throughout the city—signs for rental properties/buying stuff people illegally put up on telephone polls and in other places—and Councilman Curtis Jones said of the perpetrators: “If we can find bin Laden, it seems like we should be able to find the guys with these illegal signs.” If we can find Bin Laden, we should be able to find our combined missing underwear and socks lost in the dryer, too, but it’s not going to happen so let’s stop the ‘Bin Laden’ comparisons this instant.

Mayor Nutter may hire 16 workers for “preventative maintenance” of City Hall. Those workers would be devoted solely to fixing problems with the building before they become real problems.

Hugh C. Clark, former president of the board of trustees for New Media Charter School in Northwest Philadelphia, “admitted Tuesday that he stole $522,000 in taxpayer funds to prop up a restaurant, a health-food store, and a private school he controlled, and for other business and personal expenses.”

That law that says you need four feet between cars and bikes when passing (which, mathematically, won’t work on some Philly streets) has gone into effect.

Philadelphia is the worst county in the state for health. That’s a problem. Though a bigger problem would be getting rid of the cheese steak places—then what would human interest writers from other cities write about when they come here on vacation? JUST throwing snowballs at Santa Claus? I don’t think so! Better to be really unhealthy.

Romney swept three primaries last night, including Wisconsin.

Some Romney surrogates/bore party brigadiers, like former Minnesota mullet Tim Pawlenty, say the race is over. But is it?

No. Santorum says he’s staying in.

And he leads Romney in the latest Quinnipiac poll of Pennsylvania: 41-35. Newt Gingrich comes in at 7 percent, three points behind Ron Paul. Why are you guys still doing this? No one remembers what you look like!

President Barack Obama said yesterday that Ronald Reagan wouldn’t be able to win a primary in the current GOP. Which is weird because the likely winner, Romney, is so moderate it’s not only impossible to tell not just what his positions are, or what they were, or if he’s ever held a position in his entire life, but whether or not he knows what a position is. Whoa!