It’s Primary Day and time to fulfill your civic duty. That is, vote in today’s primary. No matter your party (ahem, if you’re a Democrat or Republican, that is), you’ve got stuff to do today. State offices up for grabs include Attorney General, Treasurer, Auditor General, and a number of state Senator and State Rep. seats. Click here to read all about those races at the Committee of Seventy.

For Philly Weekly’s coverage in this week’s edition, click here, here, and here.

Don’t know where you’re supposed to vote, or the district in which you reside? Find out here.

You do not need a Voter ID today. But you will be asked if you have one. And you will need one in November.

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum is on the primary ballot today. But his campaign is suspended. If you’re a Republican, you can still vote for him—but the race is really between Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.

Here’s a recap of this past weekend’s Ron Paul rally. He was kind enough to grace Philly with his presence.

The National Journal is calling today’s Pennsylvania GOP Senate primary a potential embarrassment for the state party and Gov. Tom Corbett, who endorsed Steve Welch. Welch is not a sure thing today, as many believed he would be after the endorsement. Welch has been accused by his opponents as having voted for Barack Obama for president, a deal breaker in any GOP primary in which being a wingnut is more important than having a plan, or something. Welch often counters that he never voted for Obama for president. He just voted for him in the primary. Because he was a registered Democrat in 2008.

I will be out at some voting places early today with a recap of what’s going on. Check for updates on Twitter and here until around 2:30 p.m.

And, alas, there is other news. Like, for instance, Doylestown, the place, is holding a mustache contest and the winner gets free Phillies tickets.

Actual headline: “Philadelphia Man Rescues Squirrel Stuck in Bag of Pistachios.”

A priest involved in the Catholic priest abuse trial said he was gang raped by fellow seminarians. “The priest told a therapist he had been tied down by several seminarians who tried to rape him and that a friend came to his rescue. But the same friend later twice abused him, the priest told the therapist.”

The Philadelphia Archdiocese agreed yesterday to “work more closely with the School District of Philadelphia and the city’s charter school community” to increase the chances of winning some prize money from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Former Assistant District Attorney Jame Egan allegedly jumped to his death, off the runway on the Ben Franklin Bridge.

And how about the Carlyle Group? You know, the one at the center of Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11.” They’re apparently in talks with Sunoco to form a joint venture “that would transfer operations of Sunoco’s refinery in Philadelphia to the [Carlyle Group],” according to the Wall Street Journal.

Finally, Councilman Jim Kenney’s Twitter account recently wrote, “He’s got the moves like Jagr, got the moves like Jagr……” in reference to Philadelphia Flyer Jaromir Jagr. Then someone on Twitter who goes by the Moleman responded, “Yeah, that sounds like something a 57 year old would say. Go fuck yourself. Or hire a firm to do so,” referencing Kenney having spent almost $29,000 on a firm to Tweet for him. Kenney, or the firm, Chatterblast, then tweeted, “I am 53 and u are a very large asshole,” then wrote, “By the way dick, I am in CC if you want to tell me sumpin,” perhaps challenging this unnamed man to a fist fight. (Imagine?) The Daily News later found out the Moleman actually works for the city and admitted he really was being an asshole. Kenney, or Chatterblast, had a good laugh about it on Twitter later, making some references to getting a beer with the guy and everyone almost forgot all about how we still don’t know if it was Kenney being sort of stupid on the Twitters or Chatterblast speaking in the vernacular for him so everyone would think it was Jim Kenney just being Jim Kenney (because, apparently, that is what Jim Kenney is like, maybe). After all, isn’t that what he pays them for? To look like he tweets? My love of a good-yet-mundane non-conspiracy is currently in a fight with an urge to slam my face into my desk.