stay hungry: best break-up makeup

Months pass. Years, even. The endorphins that let you stay up til dawn doing it like mad monkeys recede. Charming and disarming sinks into same and lame. The harsh rays of the morning sun reveal pores and undereye bags and armpit dandruff.

Quittin’ time. But as we all learned in my favorite episode of Family Ties when Alex P. Keaton is standing bereft by the punch bowl as Billy Vera and the Beaters croon “At this Moment” (it’s OUR “Unchained Melody”) while his TV-girlfriend-later-real-life-wife Ellen walked away, it’s never easy.

If you aren’t moved by this song, y’all are C-O-L-D, even if there is a dangerously Kenny G-ish part.

Special guest make-up maniac Jaime W. (different Jaime W!) is here to guide us through those times when the strings swell and there’s no one around to take you on a break-up bender to hunt for a seXXXy new mistake. Nothing cures the break-up blues like some molly followed up with a game of Twister. True story.

Must. Look. Fierce.

JW’s recommendations:

Mascara
The best waterproof mascara is Blinc Kiss Me Mascara. Although not my top favorite for fake-lash volume and length, Kiss Me is better than waterproof mascara in times of crisis!
 
The website explains that Kiss Me ”form(s) tiny water-resistant “tubes” around your lashes rather than painting them like conventional mascaras. Once applied, the tubes bind to your lashes and cannot run, smudge, clump, or flake, even if you cry or rub your eyes.”

The best part?  At the end of the day you can literally wipe them away with warm water. No need to scrub or use a heavy makeup remover. Hit Sephora.
 
Fuck-You Red Lips
Trust me, there is a red for everyone! If you have big or tiny lips, try a sheer red gloss or lipstick. If you are fair or cool toned go for a blue-based red. If you are warmer toned, so for something deeper.
 
My F.U. Red is available online but not in Philadelphia (that I know of): Julie Hewett Femme Noir.
 
First of all, the shade stays put. It’s a highly pigmented cool red that grabs attention: perfect for when you run into your ex and he’s with the chick you ALWAYS KNEW he’d hook up with the moment you broke up with him, thereby delaying the break-up.
 
Take the take the quiz on her website to find out which red is pefect for you.

Lastly, my most important weapon in the world of makeup:

Undereye Concealer
I have tried them all! My current favorite is without a doubt Benefit’s Erase Paste.
 
I have a firm belief that the old wives’ tale of going one shade lighter on your concealer is a disaster. My blue, baggy undereyes have told me that lighter concealers make undereyes look grey. Go for a peachy shade that matches your skin. 
 
The negative?  Erase Paste only comes in 3 shades, but I find the lightest shade to match my paper-white skin beautifully. If you feel limited at all by the shades, absolutely check out Bobbi Brown’s Correctors and Concealers.

It doesn’t matter if you’re self-medicating to get through the break-up, as long as you don’t LOOK like you are.
 
Bonus: Because somehow the break-up moment is not on youtube, defaulting to the episode when Alex pops pills and misses his exam. Love “very special episodes.”

“Drugs! These are drugs! And I have them illegally!”