Are You In or Out?: A Project Runway Preview

So much Project Runway drama and this season hasn’t even started yet.

First there’s the fact that this is the last season the show will be on Bravo. (In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past three months, the show was sold to the Lifetime network. I know, gag me.) Then there’s Nina Garcia’s controversial switch from Elle to Marie Claire. (Did she resign? Was she fired? Does anyone besides the Gawker army even give a fuck?) And then there’s yesterday’s website updates.

Bravo.com released bios of this season’s contestants along with synopses of each episode (revealing each week’s guest judge). The bios, we’re down with. But the synopses? WTF, Bravo? Isn’t the whole thrill of reality show competitions rooted in the “they have to do WHAT?!” reflex reaction when a challenge is announced? We’re too infuriated to check ‘em out right now, but here’s our at-first-glance opinions about this season’s contestants.

Blayne, 23, Yakima, Washington

According to his bio, Blayne was named Seattle’s Most Stylish Male. You’re seriously saying the dude in an H&M hoodie and flip flops is the most stylish person with a penis in the entire city? You must be kidding.

Daniel, 25, Great Barrington, Massachusetts

Daniel only tucks in half of his shirt and wears a chunky man bracelet. These are signs that he is a trend pimp. Duh.

Emily, 27, Sacramento, California

Remember Sweet Pea from last season? This is what she probably looked like as a youngin. (Though ever so slightly less elfin.)  Killer neckwear, though, and if I had the gams to get away with such a teensy skirt, I’d rock that look too.

Jennifer, 27, East Syracuse, New York

Why, hello there, Mrs. Cleaver! I see you’re donating your hair to Locks of Love. Oh god. That’s just your preferred hairstyle? Awkwaaaard.

Jerrell, 28, Houston, Texas

No question about it. If Jerrell lived here, he’d totally hang with the crust punks in West Philly.

Jerry, 32, Butte, Montana

Aw, he reminds me of Nick from Season Two. Fan favorite, right here.

Joe, 41, Troy, Michigan

Joe used to work for Bugle Boy. No, seriously. That’s not even a joke about his dad jeans and his douchey facial hair.

Keith, 26, Salt Lake City, Utah

This guy loves scarves. I guarantee it.

Kelli, 27, Columbus, Ohio

Nice tats. Bad jeans.

Kenley,25, Pompano Beach, Florida

What a cutie. As long as her voice isn’t annoying, I’ll be okay with this one. (And really, her chances are good considering she’s sharing the screen with Heidi Klum whose voice makes me consider closed captioning the whole damn show.)

Korto, 33, Liberia

OMG. Total. Fro. Envy.

Leanna, 27, Yuta, California

Prediction: She goes home first and cries awkwardly.

Stella, 42, Astoria, Queens

According to her bio, “Stella’s fashion inspiration comes from her lifestyle in New York City and she has a strong work ethic and a “no bull” mantra.” Translation: total bitch who complains about how she works so much harder than everyone else.

Suede, 37, Seven Hills, Ohio

See, it’s cute. He’s a designer and his name is Suede which is a type of fabric. Pardon me while I go find something sharp to stick in my eye.

Terri, 39, Chicago, Illinois

Whoa, anyone else see the Donna Summer resemblance? Only difference: Donna wouldn’t wear fuzzy pants.

Wesley, 23, Blackstone, Massachusetts

Prediction: Suede and Keith will mock this dude mercilessly (read: hilariously). He will weep.

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I’ll be back on Thursday with recap and commentary on Wednesday’s premiere. Until then, make it work, kittens.

Oh, what the hell: Click here for a little Season 2 throwback love.