Short people got no reason to live

Jimmy Au, 5'2" and badass, runs a clothing store in Beverly Hills for men under 5'8"

My driver’s license lists me as 5′1″, and I always have to fight the compulsion to append that with “But really, I’m 5′1″ and a half! And a half!” So the fact that this Wall Street Journal article about tailoring for shorter men has in its second sentence a man who qualifies himself as “five-foot-three and a half” made me happy that I’m not the only person over 12 who does this.

However, this article makes me incredibly relieved that I got that second X chromosome along with my, uh, stop-growing-at-age-11 chromosome (from what I recall of 9th-grade biology, I believe that’s it’s technical name). The writer quotes a bunch of depressing statistics (which are admittedly mostly from a pop-science book) about how it’s hard out there for a short dude, including one in which each added inch of height is equal to an extra $30,000 of yearly salary when it comes to getting the ladies.

And if you’re bored at work today, I suggest that you take a look at celebheights.com, which is weirdly enthralling. They also measure by the half-inch.

Highlights (uh, so to speak):

5′1″ Mickey Rooney

5′2″ Prince

5′3″ Seth Green

5′4″ Danzig

And although much has been made of Tom Cruise being shrimpy, he’s not, really; it’s just that he’s claimed in interviews to be taller than it appears he actually is and is married to 5′9″ Katie Holmes, who generally wears heels. He’s claimed to be 5′9″, but most places have him at 5′7″, 5′8″ on a good day. But he’s definitely not 5′2″ like you may have heard!

Oh and BTW: shut up, Randy Newman.

Wall Street Journal: “Power of Proportion for Short Men”