Let’s talk about socks, baby

I kind of love over-the-knee socks. They’re the one weird outlier in all of fashion in which you look sluttier by covering more skin. Last Friday, I wore a pair that come up to about my mid-thigh (well, when I continually tug them up, anyway) with a short skirt that I wear frequently, and observed that I got checked out/hollered at a lot more than I do when wearing the skirt alone.

In the spirit of this, and partially spurred by a recently-released ad for a new American Apparel product that I’m just going to put after the jump to be safe, here’s a roundup of strange socks and tights you may not know existed.

Bebaroque fringe thigh high: Urban Outfitters

If you ever wanted to dance like a monster on Sesame Street, these are the ones for you.

IMPORTANT NOTE TO EMILY’S MOM: Mom, you mentioned that you read this blog. Please stop reading this post now, do not click on the jump. Anyone at work, also, might want to not click the jump.

Backless tights: American Apparel

Ah, American Apparel. You’re definitely just selling fetishwear now. There is clearly no benefit to these that we can see, other than the surprise of backless tights at the end of the night. Maybe being able to catch a nice draft?

And yes, male readers, that is indeed Sasha Grey. In her somewhat amazing PR campaign to make the jump from “famous porn star” to “famous star (who does porn sometimes),” she’s been in “The Girlfriend Experience” and shot a ton of ads for American Apparel.

Collant Athena knee-highs: Pierre Mantoux

I feel like even a goddess would mess these up in an hour or two on the town, but they are pretty neat-looking.

Red-seamed fishnets: Pamela Mann

Pretty! I’ve always loved the old-school sexy you get with back-seam stockings, and I like Pamela Mann’s idea of making the seams in bright colors a lot.

Doyeah Cool Trunk tights for men

I warned you, Mom. The “one size fits all” approach that makers of pantyhose usually take is not working so well here.

Actually, I had a bit of a conundrum about whether this picture was decent enough to post, going back and forth between “Well, it’s a legitimate product, and everything is technically covered in fabric,” and “Uh, he’s got a semi.” But then I looked at the above picture of the lovely ass of Sasha Grey and realized that it was likely to be on the back cover of this fair publication’s print edition in the next few months, and I said, oh, what the heck.

I was going to put a couple more, but honestly, nothing can follow that. So we’re out!