Shocking pink

I love how, when a company wants to pick up more of the female market share, they make the same product… BUT IN PINK! BECAUSE THE LADIES GO NUTS FOR PINK!

I feel like this goes doubly for traditionally male-dominated fields like tech (pink laptops?), video games (the pink Halo body armor that nobody ever uses), razors (yeah, try to find one that isn’t pastel), etc.

The self-defense industry is one of those male-dominated fields, despite the fact that it’s generally women who should be carrying around a little something extra. It’s not reaaaally that surprising, seeing as how it’s the perfect Venn diagram overlap for two stereotypical dude things, “buying neat gadgets” and “being a Tough Guy.”

So of course, there’s a bunch of ridiculously pink, girly-looking stuff that will wreck an attacker. Here’s some of the top contenders:

The inspiration for this post: as if the pink version of the $350 Taser C2 (right), which seems to be one of the more effective models for available for non-police (although some cops do use them, and the price includes a background check), wasn’t girly enough. The Hello Kitty taser has been making the “OMG!” internet rounds. However, the company would like to make it clear that “TASER International does NOT produce nor sell a Hello Kitty TASER C2. It must be someone’s idea of cute, though that is open for debate.” So no, you can’t really buy a Hello Kitty taser, but you could get a pink one and stencil it on.

Ah, Japan and its effusive names for things! The Lovely Pink Seal Stun Gun Lovely Taser Weapon!, hereby abbreviated as LPSSGLTW!, is a keychain marketed to young women as a deterrent to handsy men on the subway (see ad above). Despite the lightning bolts and electrocuted skeleton, the LPSSGLTW! is best for “I told you to remove your hand from my ass three times already” situations rather than “He’s got a knife” situations; the manufacturer hedges that the LPSSGLTW! “is a funny toy, not a strong weapon. Try its effect before you use it as a self-difence tool. Use it as a funny toy just to make your friends surprised and laugh!” Tasers: the new mooning!

Lovely Pink Seal Stun Gun Lovely Taser Weapon!, $18.

I used to have one of these little guys (although in silver, not in pink); a slightly overprotective boyfriend-at-the-time gave me it as a birthday present. I left mine on the 2 bus years ago (and probably for the best, as in an actual threatening situation I’d probably end up accidentally stabbing myself), but when seeing if I wanted to replace it, I noticed this pink one. It’s one of the weirder things being sold to support breast cancer out there.

Spyderco Native pink, $110.

Mace an attacker in four colors, including PINK!!

Mace Pepper Gun, $95.

Actually, I’m not making fun of these guys, they’re an excellent blend of form and function. They look like cute little kitty keychains, but stick your fingers through the eyes and you’ve got two superhard plastic Wolverine claws instead of just a fist.

Cat keychain, $6.

It begs the question “Why do you have two unwrapped tampons floating around your purse?” That’s a testament to the fact it was invented by a dude, specifically a dude who thinks the tagline “Yet a new reason for men to fear tampons the other 3 weeks of the month” is the kind of humor that appeals to the laydeeez. This one may still be in development (if it’s not just a straight-up joke, which I think it probably is), but my desire to make this pun won out:

“I guess you just got a… TOXIC SHOCK?”

Tampon stun gun, not available for sale anywhere I can find.