Halloween roundup 2: UNNECESSARILY SEXY

Now there’s a lot of costumes for women out there, as I’m sure you’re aware, that take just anything in the world, add “sexy” to the beginning of that anything, cut out most of the parts that aren’t preventing you from getting arrested for public indecency, and voila! Halloween costume!

Obviously the sexy maid, sexy nurse, sexy kitty-cat, sexy pirate etc. have a cultural heft that’s pretty well dug in, as they recur, boringly, year after year.

But the funniest costumes are the ones that try to be sexy against all odds and common sense; my Halloween party last year was themed Sexy Unsexy Things, and there was a Sexy Karl Marx, Sexy J. Edgar Hoover, Sexy Lyndon Johnson (or El BJ, Masturbator of the Senate), Sexy Abe Lincoln… but here’s a selection of what appear to be serious Sexy Costumes actually for sale ripped off somewhat odd source material:

Sexy Harry Potter

BECAUSE: You know, I initially was just calling this Sexy Gryffindor, but the round glasses kind of weird me out. Weeeeeeeeird!

Sexy Jason Voorhees and Freddy Kreuger

BECAUSE: Women who exude sexuality in horror movies definitely come out OK in the end. These costumes are like contradictions in terms.

Sexy SpongeBob

BECAUSE: Goddamn, people, that is SPONGEBOB.

Sexy Girl Scout

BECAUSE: That’s not creepy at all.

Sexy Ghostbuster

BECAUSE: Actually, I imagine if the Ghostbusters were to hire a woman, they’d probably make her wear this.

Sexy mental patient

BECAUSE: Taking advantage of totally hot chicks who are also way psycho is easier when they’re in a straitjacket? Even more endearing, it’s called Anita Valium.

Sexy Wednesday Addams

BECAUSE: WEDNESDAY ADDAMS DOES NOT FUCKING APPROVE OF THIS NONSENSE.