Christmas tree alternatives that don’t suck

It’s all December-y now, and I’ve already got people queuing up to borrow my car to get Christmas trees. I’ve actually got room for one this year, but keep coming up with reasons not to go get a real one, despite having two and a half decades’ worth of yearly ornaments from my parents in a big box.

I’ve used Christmas tree alternatives before: in our ratty house senior year of college, we had a Christmas Butterfly Chair Frame, which was about as crappy looking as it sounds, and I’ve had a busted-ass two-foot fake tree for a few years, which differs from those Charlie Brown Christmas trees (shown above) mostly in that it was probably not made with pathos in mind, which somehow makes it even sadder.

But even good fakes tend to look kind of sad and Wal-Marty, in my opinion: they’re clearly trying, but they’ll never have that delicious piney smell and feel that comes with the real thing. So I’ve rounded up a bunch of Christmas tree substitutes that are more of a riff on the idea, rather than trying (and usually failing) to look real. So if you feel vaguely guilty about cutting down a living tree just so it can hang out in your house for a month, if your cats are nicknamed Seek and Destroy, if you just don’t like having needles all over the floor, but if you still have nostalgia for that triangle silhouette, here’s a few interesting substitutes for a traditional Christmas tree (we promise, no silver tinsel or blow-ups):

Tealight tree from Estilo: it says it’s available at Matthew Izzo on their website, but since they also have the wrong address listed and I can’t turn it up on Izzo’s website, I’m gonna say you would need to order it online. Definitely do not get this if you have cats, because nothing says Worst Christmas Ever like a cat on fire. More after the jump…

If you lack space but have a lot of back issues of magazines, try just rearranging them…

…on a related note, if you’re going to just get people books anyway, stick them in Manuela Michalski’s bookshelf tree.

These are pretty awesome looking and modern, but beware: a full-sized Buro tree will run you over $2,300.

Slightly cheaper: post-it notes!

Or you could just stick stuff on your walls in about the right shape.

Or decorate a ladder.

Lastly, at Linvilla Orchard in Media, they sell living trees for $30-$50, and you can replant them wherever once they’ve done their time as indoor trees. They’re up to 4 feet tall. There’s not a ton of information on the website about this, I’d call if you’re interested.