Image c/o CBS News.
So everyone’s busting out a full-on “Summer Movie Preview” these days. It’s the first week of May and, well, there’s that Iron Man movie. It nearly set first weekend release records again (holding that top spot is, naturally, that Avengers film). Which is a perfectly appropriate analogy for what summer movies tend to be about: being huge. Effects! Razzle dazzle! Big budgets! Comic-book movies! Remakes! Sequels! Adaptations of Already-Great Pieces of Art That Don’t Need to Be Made into Movies! Of course, there’s a bunch of indie movies that’ll win your hearts this summer. But we’ll get to those in time. For now, let’s just prioritize the ones everyone’s going to go see to beat the heat once it plateaus above 85 degrees.
We’ll do it like this: there are a TON of movies coming out before now and September. We’re not even going to touch August because, well, that feels really far away (and there’s actually a bunch of bullshit hitting screens that month). So for the months of May, June and July, we’ll give you a fairly succinct list in order of how excited we are for it and a tidbit about the film via other sources, like the glorious IMDB (the idea of synopsizing all these mediocre movies makes me nauseous). Plus, some trailers.
The Great Gatsby (May 10)
Before Midnight (May 24): “We meet Jesse and Celine nine years later in Greece. Almost two decades have passed since their first meeting on that train bound for Vienna.”
Now You See Me (May 31): “An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money.”
Star Trek Into Darkness (May 17): “After the crew of the Enterprise find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organization, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one-man weapon of mass destruction.”
After Earth (May 31): “A crash landing leaves Kitai Raige and his father Cypher stranded on Earth, 1,000 years after events forced humanity’s escape. With Cypher injured, Kitai must embark on a perilous journey to signal for help.”
Fast & Furious 6 (May 24): “Agent Hobbs enlists the aid of Dom and team to help bring a rival gang, led by Owen Shaw, to justice. In exchange for clear records, they must put an end to their schemes, no matter how personal the cost.”
The Hangover Part III (May 24): “This time, there’s no wedding. No bachelor party. What could go wrong, right? But when the Wolfpack hits the road, all bets are off.”
Much Ado About Nothing (June 7): “A modern retelling of Shakespeare’s classic comedy about two pairs of lovers with different takes on romance and a way with words.”
World War Z (June 21): “United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop the Zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatening to decimate humanity itself.”
Man of Steel (June 14): “A young journalist is forced to confront his secret extraterrestrial heritage when Earth is invaded by members of his race.”
I’m So Excited (June 28): “When it appears as though the end is in sight, the pilots, flight crew and passengers of a plane heading to Mexico City look to forget the anguish of the moment and face the greatest danger, which we carry within ourselves.”
This Is The End (June 14): “While attending a party at James Franco’s house, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel and many other celebrities are faced with the apocalypse.”
White House Down (June 28): “While on a tour of the White House with his young daughter, a Capitol policeman springs into action to save his child and protect the president from a heavily armed group of paramilitary invaders.”
Only God Forgives (July 26): “Julian, a drug-smuggler thriving in Bangkok’s criminal underworld, sees his life get even more complicated when his mother compels him to find and kill whoever is responsible for his brother’s recent death.”
The Lone Ranger (July 5): “Native American warrior Tonto recounts the untold tales that transformed John Reid, a man of the law, into a legend of justice.”
Pacific Rim (July 12): “When an alien attack threatens the Earth’s existence, giant robots piloted by humans are deployed to fight off the menace.”
The Wolverine (July 26): “Wolverine makes a voyage to modern-day Japan, where he encounters an enemy from his past that will impact on his future.”
R.I.P.D. (July 12): “A recently slain cop joins a team of undead police officers working for the Rest in Peace Department and tries to find the man who murdered him.”