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I had an idea for an LGBT feature about St. Vincent, so I asked her out on a date

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I think maybe I could be in love with Annie Clark. By that, I mean I have such an intellectual, artistic and aesthetic crush on her, that I could probably put aside the way that I am attracted to men to serve her every need as best I could as boyfriend/husband/partner. I’m so friggin’ pumped for her fifth record (if you count the one she made with David Byrne) that I started scheming on how I can get access to her in advance of her Feb. 25 release date. So I daydreamed and nightdreamed about the ways I could make a feature about her uniquely thoughtful, and I sent her publicist the following:

Greetings!

So this is a pitch. But I’m also a super-duper huge fan of Ms. Clark. HUGE. She’s one of my favorite artists.

I’ve got a title at PW that’s a little funny, but it does sound very official: senior music writer. I’ve been writing for about five years. [I'm sorry to interject here, but sometimes you have to do a little credential-dropping; forgive this.]

And let me tell you something: I AM SO FRIGGIN’ PUMPED ABOUT THIS NEW RECORD.

Check this guy out: http://tinyurl.com/nrnzzgn

I reviewed Strange Mercy for my column, On the Record, but don’t tell Annie that I used the phrase “mousey geniuses” (unless you think she’d like it): http://tinyurl.com/oaxst8h

Totally set up this feature about Donn T with a St. Vincent gush: http://tinyurl.com/o4968fz

This is my review of the last time she was in Philly and sold out UT (wait, is that her comment?!): http://tinyurl.com/nabqg2s

Okay, that’s enough of that. Just wanted to show you some bits I’ve written about her.

So can we do something, anything, for a paper feature?

If I’m being bold, I am going to propose something.

I’m gay. I write a lot of our LGBT stuff for the paper, and queer content is one of my foci over on the Style blog. On Facebook today, I lovingly and jokingly proclaimed that Annie Clark may be the only woman who I’d legit marry. I attached a screen capture for your pleasure.

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I am pitching a date. I want to come to Brooklyn (unless she’d care for a tour of the City of Brotherly Love) and take her out for dinner, drinks and dancing; the last bit preferably at a gay bar (like Sugarland). Of course, all on her terms. No funny business. I’d stay with friends.

Here’s why I want to do this: I think it’d be the best and funnest way to talk about something that mystifies me about St. Vincent’s influence. We gays are good tastemakers, and we have money. And I’m really not sure why she hasn’t been ushered into our cadre of revered divas. Well, she has, but I want her to be Beyonce and Gaga big. I actually have a mid-February LGBT feature spot gap, and I want to put St. Vincent in that spot and come at it from the perspective of a moment where I get to be face to face with her, gushing and blushing and tongue-tied and everything.

Of course, we can just do a Q&A or phoner if that’ll work.

YOURS,
B.C.

Well, it didn’t work. Some of my friends faulted me on allowing that easy out at the last minute. But I was just trying to seem overly accommodating. And then, she put out a delicious new video for “Digital Witness,” and my heart broke into a million pieces. Oh, yeah—and her Union Transfer show’s already sold out.

I do have a genuine curiosity on a couple fronts: Why doesn’t it seem like the LGBTQA population catches on to artists like her, and how come she doesn’t seem interested in courting them like most pop artists often blatantly do? And could she really win my heart with her stylish and understated artistic brilliance if we were actually given the opportunity to kick it like it’s an OK Cupid date? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

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