Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance

Upon first glance: Is that thing from a Dali landscape, Star Wars, Hell or a disco ball? 

I can’t wrap my brain around those shoes and everything around them. What am I talking about? Um, well, aside from presumably millions of dollars of borrowed couture, I’m talking about a music video that is impossible to watch only one time. Lady Gaga (and the Haus of Gaga) have really outdone themselves this time with Bad Romance… and I love it. 

In fact, the outfits attached to those shoes are compelling me to make-up words. Really– you take one good look at the McQueen shoes in front of you and tell me you don’t get all Anthony Burgess on me. I dare you.
 

This video has all the standards from our favorite Fame Monster: lingerie, hairless pets, Bladerunner Replicants, synthesizers, spirit fingers, a foreign syndicate, twitching, latex … and I’m pretty sure she’s single-handedly raised Ferragamo from the dead. Jesus.

Here are some stills from the Bad Romance video… She must wear 10 separate intricate outfits/ dresses/ works, including one by Alexander McQueen that leaves her looking like a creepy, bolted, gold-studded cupcake/geisha/ant with 10-inch heeled stiletto hooves.

“The singer-songwriter-pianist-provocateur seems to be one of the few pop stars these days who really understands spectacle, fashion, shock, choreography all the things Madonna and Michael Jackson were masters of in the 1980s.” (Speakeasy)

Closing thoughts? Lady Gaga and Alexander McQueen need to go pro-create and begin breeding their own little army of slicked back, shiny, matching offspring. Have you seen his Spring/Summer 2010 line that debuted to her soundtrack, with her custom dress from the video as the last outfit in the runway show? Music met couture and fell in love. In fact, they’re paired off  and make more sense than coupling milk and goddamn cookies.

We know we can take you seriously when you said pop music will never be lowbrow. Bravo, Gaga.

Selk’bag

As a longtime freelancer,  my prayers has been answered by this crazy outfit-bed… thing: The Selk’Bag.

The Selk’Bag is a “sleep and wear” system (–and all this time I thought that term was specific to my undergrad). Let’s take a little walk through what their website has to say about the product.  Just when I thought a dude who looks like the baby of the Stay Puft man and a convict jumpsuit was the most amusing thing on the page, the copy had to go and completely boggle my brain.

Considering that almost a 30% of our time is occupied sleeping,… greater fatigue and less hours of light  (winter), a good sleep is the key factor to recover consumed energy. A comfortable position, a suitable temperature and less restricted mobility are fundamental for a good rest.

(Duh.)

Nowadays, the maximum comfort level a sleeping bag offers, has a “material” relation: its filling and the space and air to warm up by our body (less space, better, due to a smaller cost of caloric energy)… high mountain trekkers, have special gear designed for extreme low temperatures: all the body parts together to transmit heat in a adjusted amount of space, spending the less amount of caloric energy as possible.

(WHAT? I think this was a fancy way of saying wearing warm clothes makes us not cold. Novel concept. Bill Nye is rolling his eyes.)

Movement is the greatest obstacle which we, the majority of sleeping bag users, face.

(WE?! I was not aware of the upwardly-mobile demographic of sleeping bag users, but I must have been mistaken.)

Therefore, we believe that, to be able to rest in spaces that are not high mountains, snow or cold places, a sleeping bag must be as nice and friendly as a bed is, and should give us the correct protection level towards coldness thanks to its materials, filling and the possibility to spread our heat through our body thanks to a good level of blood circulation.

(It’s okay, Selk’Bag copywriter. We like warm clothes and we’re not on a mountain, either.)

It’s interesting to observe what most of camping, cabin, beaches, woods, mountain, desert, lakes, etc. users are shouting for, mouth to mouth through a sorrowed hope:  MOVEMENT.

(Can I get an Amen?!)

Selk’Bag® is a sleeping system which allows to dress with your sleeping bag, giving a maximum mobility and comfort in periods of rest in a tent or outside it:

- Separate, move and join arms and legs
- Roll with your Selk’Bag®, not in it
- Stand without any trouble, walk, cross your legs and even grab certain elements with your hands thanks to its reversible zippers.

Mobility, maximum comfort for a perfect rest is Selk’Bag®’s fundamental idea, and each part of it is designed for that purpose. Enjoy your excursion with a 100% comfortable rest, just as you do in your bed.

(That’s all we needed to know, man.)

This could be a crime scene. Or your bedroom floor.

As awesome as this wearable sleeping bag is, I will always want one for the wrong reasons. Why? I think it looks like a Rebel jumpsuit… and really– what helps you sleep better at night than knowing you’re fighting the Empire?

I’m just sayin’.