Bubble Tea: oh no you didn’t.

Ah, this article I found online could not sum up my new found frustrations about a summertime fav any better. Let me give you the not-so-skinny: a single serving of bubble tea can be close to 400 calories.

HOLD UP. Um, what kind of bomb did you just drop?! Seriously, bubble tea– you’ve screwed with me big time… so what, are you going to tell me you’re pregnant next?! Get out of my sight.

If you haven’t caught on, a single serving of bubble tea is nearly double the calories I thought it was. Oh gee, I’m so glad I’ve unknowingly downed an additional count of my daily caloric intake by hanging out at the T-bar writing articles this week. I suddenly understand how Regina feels in Mean Girls after consuming a month supply of kalteen bars.

Is butter a carb?

So where are all the calories? Well, I mean, bubble tea is ultimately just iced tea, milk, honey and tapioca balls. That doesn’t sound so destructive, right? Well, it turns out that there’s a boat load of hidden calories in the tapioca balls. I don’t know what the hell I though tapioca was, but the answer is that it’s simply a one-way ticket to the next pant size up. Each little pearl contains almost 10 calories… and if you go somewhere with a generous sized cup, you could be consuming 25-40 pearls at once… and if you do some mental math, you pretty much just consumed 1/4 of your daily caloric intake with no warning.

It’s a classic case of a wolf in sheep’s clothes.

I understand that all good things should be considered in moderation, but my twice a week treat has left me feeling had. I’m onto you, bubble tea.