Listen up, ladies. If you’re the type to wax on about the discrimination and stereotypes perpetuated by pageants, you’re going to have to eat your words (albeit for one night only). Dudes from our local ’hoods will participate in a head-to-head competition to crown the best and brightest in town—or somewhere else. There’s a wild-card category for interested participants hailing from weird (read: suburban or South Jersey) locales. Hosted by our city’s most popular dating blogger, Anna Goldfarb of Shmitten Kitten, the inaugural Mr. America will walk away with cases of Sly Fox and a judging slot at the next Varsity Cheerleaders pole-dancing competition. Audience members will walk away with male fantasies to last a lifetime. The evening will be infused with tunes spun by Making Time darlings Rocktits, and Sly Fox beer will be flowing. We’ve got our fingers crossed for you, Mr. Fishtown. Now is the chance to stick it to the denizens of Olde Shitty.
Additionally, the boys are being judged by yours truly, Metro’s Monica Weymouth and Beer Lass Suzy Woods.
Fun fact: Monica and I grew up near each other in the goddamn-right-it’s-Great Northeast. So while Mr. Fishtown’s got a good chance, our hearts might just belong our hometown hero. Swing by and see for yourself.
Some of the ladies of Shmitten Kitten are going to be playing music at Grasshopper this Saturday; I’m not sure exactly what “playing music” entails, but while they’re there, everything is 25% off. Woo!
Remember a few months ago when Shmitten Kitten had that Sexiest Dude in Philly contest? Mambo Movers won. (Much to my disdain. I was all for John Atwater. He’s the kind of slickly groomed boy I lusted after while coming of age in Northeast Philly. But I digress.)
Anyway. The gals are running another contest. This time, you can cast a vote for Philly’s Hottest Nerd. The nominees include: the A/V Nerd: Mark Schoneveld, the Music Nerd: Questlove, the Nerd’s Nerd: Jeff the Soda Jerk, the Bike/Skate/Web Nerd: Jonathan Finnegan and the Inventor Nerd: Ben Franklin. (How a dead guy made the list and the amazingly crazy guy who impersonates him did not is sort of beyond me, but whatever.)
Right now Questlove is in the lead and even though we’re mildly obsessed with his Twitter feed, we’re here to beg you to drop a vote for Jeff the Soda Jerk.
Why He’s a Nerd: This is Shmitten Kitten’s Kelly Clarkson right here; Jeff is our undiscovered gem. We plucked him from a particularly persuasive reader nomination. Here is what his buddy Thomas had to say about Jeff:
“A significant fraction of his free time is spent browsing UFO videos online. When he’s not judging the quality of flashing orb clips, he is linking friends to such lectures as Peter Rusell’s “The Primacy of Conciousness” and “The Global Brain,” Ernie Kovacs’ “Kitchen Symphony,” and David Deamer’s lecture on DNA protein-sequence melodies.
As a professional soda jerk at the Franklin Fountain, Jeff can not only scoop your ice cream, he can also tell you the history of the ice cream in relation to our nation’s founding, at the same time if you wish. (Note: While Jeff is required to wear a bow tie to work, I assure you he would wear one anyways were he not. Also it is not a clip on, and that’s worth something.)” Why You Should Vote for Him: UFOs! Bow ties! Ice cream!
So, to recap: He willingly wears a bow tie and believes in UFOs. Nerdy as shit.