Are Bikinis Too Revealing?

First, a quick look at the weekend weather forecast for Ocean City, NJ.

So maybe you won’t be tanning and playing beach volleyball this weekend. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare for the summer by purchasing a flattering swimsuit.

A few weeks ago Emily G asserted that most women under the age of 35 look better naked than clothed and suggested some two-piece bathing suits. But perhaps you don’t agree. Perhaps you’ve always thought that modern swimsuits are just a little too revealing. A self-effacing gal like you certainly doesn’t want a bikini or even a skirted one-piece. Fear not, Modest Mary. We’ve found the perfect swimsuits for you, too!

To quote their website (emphasis mine),”WholesomeWear is a modest line of clothing for ‘wherever.’ Our WaterWear is the first to be introduced because the need for modesty in swimwear is greatest and the supply is almost non-existent. Swimwear that ‘highlights the face rather than the body‘ includes an undergarment with bright colors at the neck and shoulders to draw the eyes to the face.”

Here’s an example of their Extended Slimming Swimwear, which, as you can see below, covers both your elbows and your knees for ultimate coverage. This fine piece of presumably Amish craftsmanship will run you almost a hundred bucks, but that is a small price to pay for modesty.

I need to get my first sunburn out of the way

Seeing as how it’s supposed to be 93 goddamn degrees in Philly tomorrow and my old swimsuit is getting ratty, I’ve had getting a new one on my mind for a while.

When I was probably 15 or so, my best friend and I were hanging out at the pool. I had only had pretty juvenile one-piece swimsuits up until that point, whereas she wore only bikinis. We were comparing and contrasting; I felt it was awkward to have 95% of your body on display, she felt like one-pieces made me look matronly.

She was very frank. “Look, we’re young; the closer to naked we have an excuse to be, the better we’re going to look.”

Obviously I’m paraphrasing, there, but the next suit I bought was a bikini. As soon as I got over the “OMG, I’m naked!” thing, I found that she was right, it somehow made me feel less self-conscious about my body. It seems contradictory, but if there’s no possibility of hiding anything, you generally just come to terms with your body and have a good time.

It’s been bikinis all the way ever since. This may just be personal preference, but I think that pretty much every woman under the age of 35  or so would look better naked than clothed, and would also look better in a bikini than in a one-piece.

I was considering hopping off the two-piece wagon for my next one, though, if those awwwwwesome 50s-inspired suits that were mostly very expensive last spring came down in price a bit. Like here, at modcloth:

But then…

Sadly, I came across this, from Cuche Bikinis (…Cuche? Really?) in Vancouver (…Vancouver? Really?), and now I keeping switching back and forth. Damn, people, I can’t make up my mind because it’s so hot and I can’t go cool off because I can’t make up my mind…

swimsuits and fake meat

Blargh today is a migraine day. My recovery plan includes:

1. A can of those pieces of braised seitan you can get at random Asian-type groceries around the city. I suppose I should have guessed this earlier, because the stuff clearly comes packed in a greasy fluid that only comes off your hands with soap, but I’d been using this as the lazy girl’s chicken for a couple of years and thinking “It’s seitan! It’s healthy-ish!” before looking at the nutritional information on the back.

Sadly,  all that separates a can of braised seitan from a 10-piece McNugget Value Meal is a 10-minute walk to Arch and Broad. But it was in my cupboard, and now it is in my stomach, because when I get migraines, my body demands that I eat like a pregnant woman crossed with late-stage Elvis.

I just thought that I’d share the nutritional information with anyone who might have also assumed that it was good for them just because they found it at Fu-Wah.

2. Linking up a fashion-type event. Speaking of getting fat, it’s almost swimsuit season!

Swimsuit Fashion Show, Thursday March 26th at Pearl, 1904 Chestnut Street Philadelphia.  Music by DJ  Aiden Scott.  Open bar 10-11, RSVP for no cover.

3. Sleep.

Sorry, y’all! My thinking parts hurt! Back tomorrow!