Your stories: Leonard

I’m sorry to read that you are depressed. I doubt persons who
haven’t suffered from depression know what it is like – the sense of
hopelessness, the despair, and the feeling that the blackness
will never lift.

I too go into the non-communicative mode when depressed and it is
doubtless unhealthy. I figure who wants to speak to me when I’m not
entertaining? So I crawl into bed, let the answering machine
do its voodoo, and hope the depression will magically, mysteriously lift (C’mon anti-depressants do your thing!). Of course, personal hygiene goes south – why should I shower, shave and brush my teeth when my immediate goal is to sleep?

I’ve tried a kitchen sink’s worth of anti-depressants and since I suffer from OCD with comorbid depression I am often prescribed high dosages. I’m currently on 60 mg. of Lexapro daily which is three times the manufacturers maximum recommended dose. Of course, I’ve taken a host of adjunctive medications. I’m now on Lamictal too and have frequently taken what appears to be the “Holy Trinity” of depression treatment – a SSRI, an anti-convulsant and an antipsychotic.

I only wish that anti-depressants alone would grant entry to a life
which is rewarding, empowering, filled with love and caring, and devoid of isolation. Just like those pharma’s commercials which rely on “slice of life” advertising.

I’ll try to heed the moral of one of your earlier posts. Here’s
something along the same lines – “The opposite of play isn’t work. It’s depression. To play is to act out and be willful, exultant and
committed, as if one is assured of one’s prospects.” – Brian
Sutton-Smith, the dean of Play Studies at the University of Pennsylvania.

Please continue to share how you’re doing. I’m certain all your readers are concerned about your well being and wish you the very best as I do.

[Photo courtesy Louis via Flickr]

liz | 10:23 AM | Uncategorized