Man is the great danger
Carl Jung speaks the truth.
liz | 4:49 PM | Uncategorized
Grande canyon
Recently a suit was filed by ex-barista Christine Drake against her ex-employer, Starbucks. The Seattle woman, who has long struggled with psychiatric disorders, felt a deep sense of accomplishment about the fact that she held her job there for two years. It was very meaningful to her to keep working, despite her illness. And we all know how important work is at a time like that.
Now the EEOC is backing her claims that she was discriminated against and that the company violated the American With Disabilities Act, which I’d like to remind everyone means you’re entitled to reasonable accommodations to deal with your illness. The EEOC is filing for $40,000 in lost wages for Drake, who was fired for not being “Starbucks material.”
Dear God—what exactly is Starbucks material? The frowning server who corrects your speech when you violate the coffee code and say “medium” instead of “venti” or whatever? Get over yourselves. You’re making coffee.
Suit accuses Starbucks of discrimination
liz | 2:33 PM | Uncategorized
Lost in space
Last night was kind of bad for me. We’ve talked before about doing a Liz-o-meter on this site, where I could indicate how crappy and/or happy I feel. Today I’d be pretty low down on the meter.
I’ve been trying to make a video about my experience with ECT. Yesterday, after a full weekend at the Bloomsburg Fair—where I saw an excellent Elvis impersonator and two very cute little piggies—I sat in our motel room (pictured) and talked for 20 minutes about the experience. As I was talking I noticed I was feeling a little weird and dislocated, so I was relieved when the very kind motel owner knocked on the door to give me some cookies.
Later I watched the video again, this time with Vince, and I could tell from our interaction that it was a mistake. Oddly enough, though I’m trying to package the experience in some accessible way, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that it’s not something I want to relive. I mean, I’m still going to do it because I said I would and because it’s important to me to make a particular point, but if I were just going to do things that would conduce to my mental health, I’d ditch it.
The funny thing about PTSD syptoms is the way they sneak up on you when you least expect it. Watching a video of myself talking about being on a psych ward and then getting ECT, I could feel myself slipping away into a dissociative haze, which hasn’t dissipated entirely today. By telling the story, I started to get confused. Where am I now? Am I still that person? Am I in danger of becoming that person? Rational threads of conversation and thought got progressively harder until I couldn’t wait for Vince to get out of the room so I could stop the chaos in my head from closing in.
In moments like those, my impulse is to cut myself with a knife, which achieves two purposes: It brings me back into my body and the present by causing pain; and it displaces the pain in my head, transferring mental suffering into physical irritation. I didn’t do it; I hardly ever do. But I desire it in the same way I desire a cigarette even after years of not smoking. I get a fierce longing that seems to encompass my lungs.
In a strange way, a crisis we had with one of our animals brought me back to reality. She got herself stuck behind a bookshelf, but she was so quiet that we thought she was dead. I cried for her for a little while, remembering her antic behavior, then heard a vague thumping from the other side of the room. I was pretty convinced, given my mental state, that it was a hallucination, but I couldn’t take any chances. I spent the next couple hours removing all the books from the bookshelf. When I saw her head peek out, I was immensely relieved. Little Rosemary. Our hamster-type baby. I was so glad to see her, I forgot all about the impulse to self-mutilate (a term I hate, but it is descriptive, I guess).
At 4:30 a.m., after sleeping for a couple hours, I woke up with an asthma attack, which I’m guessing was brought on by stress. Such attacks panic me, but again, are almost welcome compared to mental suffering. By the time I got out of bed this morning, I was refreshed, and the gruesome anguish of last night continues to fade.
It’s just another example of one of the most important lessons people with mental illness must remember: It will get better. At some point. It’s worth it to wait it out.
[Here's a still from a video I won't be posting. You can tell I'm kind of vacant.]
liz | 10:59 AM | Uncategorized
Can you tell I’m going through my in-box?
I’ve discovered another reader tip: this interesting article from the Houston Press—an alt weekly, no less. Sachin Karol calls it a “cautionary tale,” and boy oh boy, does it scare me. Though it’s about the issue of Paxil during pregnancy in general, its starting point is Lisa Collins, a woman who was told it was okay to take Paxil while she was pregnant. Now, faced with a gravely sick child, she’s filing a lawsuit—and she won’t be alone.
The article is both exhaustive and heartbreaking, a combination that’s hard to master. Thanks, Sachin, for sending this along.
[Photo copyright Liz Spikol]
liz | 4:46 PM | Uncategorized
School’s in
This is from TTWS reader Steve, who has personal experience, as I do, with campus psych services.
Report Faults UC’s Mental Health Care: Psychological services for students are starved for funding and staff even as serious mental issues are on the rise on campuses, study finds.
liz | 2:59 PM | Uncategorized
Response from Chicago resident about Christina Eilman
I’ve talked at some length here about the appalling case of Christina Eilman. (Click here to get up to speed.) TTWS reader Ted sends in this comment, with a suggestion for how you can voice your outrage:
I live in Chicago. There aren’t not words in our language to articulate the rage this story has produced in me. It has been woefully under-reported here. And unfortunately, it’s not all that surprising. For many Chicagoans, the true feelings this story produces cannot be described outloud. This is the most horrific urban nightmare imagineable, come to life.
A federal judge has just sealed – at the request of city attorneys – internal police interviews regarding this case in a lawsuit brought by the victim’s family. This too is rather typical of this city. And also just as disgusting.
Please contact the Chicago mayor’s office <a href="
“>here. Let them know how you feel. Let them know how disgusted you are by the actions of this city’s police force, and of its City Hall. Please. In no other city in America is the populace as impotent and without voice as they are in Chicago. The Machine is bigger than ever – it’s just under the radar now. Help us!
liz | 12:41 PM | Uncategorized
Writer’s block
I’m having a bit of a tough time writing these days. I just read an excellent description of the problem as articulated by writer Ian McEwan in his book Saturday:
“He prides himself on speed and a sleek, wry style. It never needs much forethought—typing and composing are one. Now he was stumbling. … his prose accumulated awkwardly. Individual words brought to mind unwieldy objects—bicycles, deckchairs, coat hangers—strewn across his path. He composed a sentence in his head, then lost it on the page, or typed himself into a grammatical cul-de-sac and had to sweat his way out.”
liz | 12:32 PM | Uncategorized
Sandra Bullock
I’ve always liked Sandra Bullock. There’s something natural and unhurried about her. Granted, she’s not a great actress. But I feel like we could be friends. Interestingly, Bullock is suing a Tennessee mental health agency so that it’s forced to alert her when a man who was stalking her is released. Supposedly, there’s a restraining order against him until 2009, but she’s concerned. I’m not sure I blame her. Stalking victims are frightened, and rightly so.
Sandra Bullock Sues to Ensure She’s Notified of Stalker’s Release
liz | 11:17 AM | Uncategorized
Vivid dream: Meeting the Sopranos. Real life: Defending my love of The Sopranos
I dreamt that my parents and I were driving somewhere and we took a wrong turn. We drove slowly through a thicket and found ourselves on the backlot of a Sopranos set. Our car literally drove into a scene they were filming. We were very apologetic, and they were friendly, though most of them must have been bit players because I didnt’ really recognize anyone. Tony? Carmela? Nowhere to be found.
Rupert Everett was there, though. I’ve always been a big fan of his, in part because I had a crush on my gay friend Alan in college, and they look very much alike. (And just incidentally, I continue to think ((delusionally, probably)) that Alan was a little crushed out on me too. He came to visit me in Philly once but it was tense and awkward. I wish I could remember his last name so we could be in touch. Alan, if you’re out there, email me!)
So in the dream I went up to Rupert and said hello. He was very gracious, though he didn’t say he wanted to visit me in Philadelphia. Meadow complimented me on my cute pants, and I thought that maybe they’d let me be a regular on the show because they saw I was stylish.
I love The Sopranos, perhaps because the throughline of the show is Tony’s mental suffering. Yes, he’s a monster of sorts, but the series satisfies my need to understand the abnormal psychology of a person who does terrible things, who believes terrible things. The relationship between Tony and Dr. Melfi is fascinating as well. It’s a very rich show, very layered. I think people forget that when they see the guys in the bar dropping their gerunds. And in terms of representation of Italian-Americans, I know the show is problematic. Yet why do we respect Mean Streets and The Godfather and deride The Sopranos for reinforcing stereotypes? Seems inconsistent to me, though of course those two films were made decades ago, and you’d think we’d have evolved somewhat in terms of our portayals of American ethnicity.
Organized crime in Philly and New Jersey have over the years been similar, so that’s another element that compels me. I have a friend who says people from the East Coast like The Sopranos and people from the West Coast prefer Six Feet Under. I think that’s an interesting perspective, and it rings true to me.
liz | 10:58 AM | Uncategorized
Blog down
There was an explosion near my office, and our power has been out. Now I have to walk three and a half miles home toting my computer and other bags. Plus I have a migraine. So let’s just call it a day, shall we? See you tomorrow.
liz | 3:02 PM | Uncategorized
