RANT
For reasons I won’t go into right now, let’s just say it’s been a harrowing couple of months. When I’m depressed, as I’ve mentioned and written about several times, I take great pleasure in my pets. Frankly, I’m considered pet-obsessed, verging on weird. I know I spend waaaay too much time thinking about them and loving them and worrying about their well-being.
Apparently, it’s just not enough for some people. Despite the thriving good health of my three lovely sugar gliders–who are at this moment happily chirping as they eat their mealworms, after which they’ll be hopping and gliding for hours, their fur lustrous and their bellies full and their vet exams all perfect–I am being attacked by people angered by my post about sweet Little Moxie, the sugar glider who was eaten by her parents. The comments are so angry and vicious, and even go so far as to mockingly refer to my mental illness. What do they know about my life, about my reasons for my behavior?
Hey, all you angry sugar-glider people, here are some things you don’t know: I have a disability. I can’t stay up all night. That’s not an option that’s open to me. I wish I were a normal, regularly abled person, but I’m not. Don’t assume that everyone is exactly as you are, and has all the resources you do–financially, physically, mentally. It’s elitist to assert what a person should or shouldn’t do without knowing the circumstances of that person’s life.
I preferred to let the little one to stay with her mother–advice I got FROM A MESSAGE BOARD clearly populated by people who are nicer than you are–because it was unclear how this would resolve. I had never had a sugar glider baby in my care before; how many people have? Do you live in Philadelphia, by the way? In my neighborhood? Do you know the likelihood of getting someone to come to my door in West Philly at 1 a.m.? Have you been to Homicide City, USA, lately?
There are people dying in this city’s streets. I work for an organization that ministers to incarcerated people and their families and communities–people without hope, children without parents. I talk to people on the phone every day whose lives have been absolutely devastated by violence and poverty–and what are you complaining about, exactly? You know why people continue to suffer and be marginalized? Because it’s far easier to get people to give a shit about sugar gliders than it is to get them to give a shit about their fellow human beings.
God forbid that should ever happen to me.
liz | 5:07 PM | Uncategorized
AMEN!!
I share your frustration. I love my cat, Rizzo, like you love your sugar gliders (I’ve even sent you pictures of her.). However, I’m aware of the difference between pets and people. I work in education and see the kids before they get to your care. Let’s keep our perspective. I too struggle–I’d like to see the “average” person take 600mg of Seroquel and remain conscious!!!
BTW, are you familiar with Dr. Ruby Payne’s work on understanding poverty and helping people move out of it? If you have spare (ha!) time check it out at http://www.ahaprocess.com.
Peace,
Karen W.
I couldn’t believe the disparaging comments that were thrown your way n light of Moxie’s death. Who’d have thought people with such little empathy for mental illness would even read this blog? That angry sugar glider mob were ready to lynch you simply for trying your best. I think it is quite evident from this blog and your flickr photos that you love your pets and that they are in excellent condition. It is not unusual in the animal world for babies to die – in fact it is extrememly common in the wild. Many animals from marsupials to reptiles will often eat their offspring if they consider them too weak for survival or conditions aren’t good. It’s called Brood Cannibalism or Infanticide. It may seem abhorrent to our human sensibilities but animal mothers with a weak young one sometimes “cut their losses”, eat the offspring and get back some of the energy they invested in producing the young in the first place. The people protesting your supposed lack of care neglect to recognise that nature simply took its sometime brutal course. There are no guarantees you could have saved Moxie even with around-the-clock care. You tried your best Liz, that’s all that matters. Little Moxie wasn’t strong enough for this world.
Beautifully written response. You go girl.
I’m very sorry about what happened to your baby. It sounds horrible and emotionally devastating. But you really do need to think about your decision to breed. If you know that you are unable to provide emergency care, then it would probably be best if you don’t breed right now. It can be a really hard decision to make, but your babies rely on you to give them everything they need to thrive and survive, and for newborns that can sometimes mean losing sleep or paying for expensive vet bills.
I have an FCE 62% disability rating. I know how hard it is sometimes. I have chronic pain, and am physically challenged, from a nasty car accident two years ago. But I’ve made the decision to take the responsibility of pet ownership and breeding as well. It can be expensive, especially when you get a vet bill that you could easily buy a car with, but that’s the choice we make when we decide to breed.
I hope I don’t sound mean or that I’m attacking you, I’m not trying to come across that way. But maybe it would be best if you had your boys neutered to prevent any more births. If you really, really feel that you can’t afford the vet bills or any emergency vet visits than as much as you love your pets you need to decide what is best for them. If you love them as much as I think you do, then you need to give them up or start a savings account towards possible emergency care.
It would also be a great idea to try to find someone that can step in and help you if there is an emergency that you can’t deal with physically. A family member would be an ideal choice! Someone that would understand getting a phone call at two or three in the morning. But if you don’t have family you can try talking to local shelters or humane societies and see if there is a pet sitter that wouldn’t mind taking on some responsibility for your pets in situations where you simply can’t give them the time they need.
I hope that doesn’t hurt too much, but I’m trying to help you avoid heartache like this in the future.
I’m guessing those people who replied to the other post are the sort of people who would take a dog from a homeless person simply because they had no shelter!
Oh, and I saw how a few replied saying they were insulted by the comment you made about glider owners being unemployed, now I know I’m a Brit and you folks don’t always get our jokes, but that was a joke right? I mean if anything else it would be a compliment about how dedicated owners are, but no, some people are simply out looking for something to insult them.
Liz, I wouldn’t worry too much about the comments you recieved on your journal entry about the death of your glider joey.
The Sugar Glider community is full of lonely housewives with empty nest syndrome, who replace their sons and daughters living their own lives with the likes of the tiny sugar gliders. The gliders become their lives and they spend the day on the internet, their tiny charges snuggled in their, er, bras.
I don’t blame you for placing Moxie back in with her parents. It’s what I would have done. It’s what most normal, sane people would have done.
If you need any help with your remaining joey, drop me a line. I enjoy my sugar gliders, but I’m not a crazy 50-year-old who refers to mealworms as ‘mealies’ and sugar gliders as ’suggies.’
Good luck!
terrific rant. personally, i feel that it could have used some profanity, but that’s a minor quibble.
Three things:
1. Before reading your pet discussions I thought that a sugar-glider was an amusement park snack.
2. Openly sharing your emotions and life-events the way you do makes it easy for people to judge and second guess. Part of risks of blogging I guess. Anonymity would be safer but less fun. I personally use a pseudonym with everyone except my wife and kids.
3.”You gotta make your own kind of music, Sing your own special song”. In other words- screw ‘em.
Hey Liz,
A beautiful, well-reasoned response. You shouldn’t even have to defend yourself on this matter. Some people just wake up each day to make others miserable. We loyal TTWS are always here for you!
Dennis
I’m sorry this happened to your joey. Unfortunately, this is very common with sugar gliders and may happen to you again. I would suggest you have your male neutered since you are unable to take care of a rejected joey.
Ugh, I cannot believe those ridiculous losers haranguing you. You definitely did your best and in the end nature took its course. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was a sad outcome but that’s life. Not to mention the whole ethical dilemma about hand-raising an animal baby that would obviously not have been viable in nature: sugar gliders are not people!
Totally agree with all your rant: people need to get perspective. If only they could take all that self-righteousness and apply it to something worth while.
Liz, I’m glad to see you have so many defenders, since those angry s.g. people obviously have very misplaced priorities. You really summarized the issue quite succinctly near the rant’s end, when you said that the reason so many people suffer and are marginalized is because “it’s far easier to get people to give a shit about sugar gliders than it is to get them to give a shit about their fellow human beings.”
Obviously you did the best you could with the time and resources that you had, and you didn’t know that the parents would cannabilize their own offspring.
This kind of reminds me of something that’s happened in neighborhoods where I have lived in the past that have coyotes roaming free nearby. Small dogs and cats that are allowed to roam free, especially after dark, frequently are eaten by the coyotes. It’s heartwrenching to see so many signs posted with pictures of a beloved pet that the owner thinks is “lost” – a pet that the owner thinks has just wandered off somewhere because they had no idea of the predators lurking nearby. There are so many things people don’t know about, even though many seem convinced that they have the complete picture about everything.
I want to say that I also agree with one of the other comments that you put yourself more at risk for these kind of personal attacks by telling so much about your life – but I guess the benefits must outweigh the costs.
One thing that does seem kind of strange is why are you getting attacks about the sugar glider thing just now, when it happened so long ago?
I know it seems like a personal attack, but the “glider community” is very much like a tight knit family. We all give each other advice, listen and share stories, and even cry with our fellow sugar glider people. When we hear of something tragic we try to prevent it from happening again. Some people may have flamed you in commenting on your other post (I haven’t read the comments) but I, personally, don’t think that’s the best way to go about it. Right now, it seems like you need sympathy (or whenever this had happened, someone had just recently found your original post) because losing a joey, no matter how young, is hard. Its one of the reasons I don’t breed right now. I’m still in school and I know that my life wouldn’t allow me to handraise a joey. People really need to think about their lifestyles before making the commitment to breed, even if they are only letting their pets do what they would do in nature. In keeping them in captivity, we need to take responsibility for all aspects of their care. If it means waking up every two hours, round the clock, then we need to at least try. A majority of the time, there is something wrong with the joey that we don’t know about, but even gliders with disabilities can live a fully functioning, happy live (much like humans with disabilities!) If I read your post correctly, there was something wrong with this joeys back legs? If this is the case, he may or may not have made it, but I really think that it would have definitely been worth it to try. Hand raised joeys often make the best pets out there!
Probably the best option would be to have your male neutered. This may be hard though, considering you are in Pennsylvania, but I urge you to try to find a vet who will do it. Maybe you could cross a border and have it done in another state.
Now I feel I have to move on to commenting on some of the comments on this post…
I’m am not a 50 year old housewife, I’m a 16 year old student who also works part time. I DO have a life, I play sports and go out with my friends, I’m very close to my family (including my huge extended family with 30 cousins), and I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for a long time. I also refer to my gliders as “suggies” and mealworms as “mealies” although the latter is just my way of making them seem a little less gross. I spend a lot of time with my gliders, as well as the rest of my pets. This often means staying up til 2 in the morning, and getting four hours of sleep at night. During the day, I’m not ashamed to admit that I have my very own bra baby, and two others who are getting there. My friends all love my suggies, and they understand if I can’t stay out late sometimes because I have to feed my gliders. I’m also active in the glider community, but I don’t spend my life online.
I know some people are saying that you tried you best, but to put it bluntly, you didn’t. You didn’t do anything really. You just put it back when it was obviously being rejected. While the joey may not have made it anyway, it would have been worth it to try. Maybe you can find someone who is willing to take in any babies that your pair has should something like this happen again. Its pointless to waste a life just because YOU don’t have the ability to do it. Now, I know some people won’t agree with me here, its just an animal not a human. But it’s still a life, they stil feel love, and they can enjoy themselves. There are many people who would be more than willing to come and get a rejected joey from you to try to save it. This is, of course, if you decide not to neuter (which is by far the best option)
I think I’m done now..I didn’t try to come across harsh, I just wanted to voice my opinion and hopefully educate you and give you something to think about. I don’t want to flame you, because I know that won’t help. It would only make you write another post like this about me. I sincerely hope you take into consideration what I’ve said, remember its for the good of the glider!
Lord have mercy, this is one of the most unbelievable threads I’ve read on a mental health blog Liz.
I totally agree this type of passion needs to be re-directed toward human beings, and kindness for others. Anyone damning Liz for her Sugar Glider care; stick that baby in your bra and go take a homeless person a meal!
PS–I had 2 hamsters. Thought they were the same sex. Not. Had babies one night. I went to bed, not having a clue that in the morning the babies would be missing; all but one. We named him Lucky. Life happens, and it happens to pet owners. Doesn’t mean a pet owner should be condemned for shit that happens. Looks like the advice on sugar glider care is just gonna keep rolling in Liz. But the good part is, maybe they can receive an education on mental health awareness.
Great rant. Don’t let them get you down.
Me again…for all those people saying that we care more about animals than people. Find out for sure first. I care a lot about animals, of course. That does NOT mean that that’s all I care about. I work with the public, and I truly want to make people happy. I volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, as well as at a independent/assisted living facilty for the mentally and/or physically disabled. I also coach volleyball for little kids in a summer rec program.
I live out in the middle of nowhere, so we don’t really don’t have a homeless population to speak of. I did, however use to live in Atlanta GA and even though I was young at the time, I would ask my mom if I could give my leftover food to a homeless person whenever we saw one.
I consider myself to be a very compassionate person and I know a lot of other people do too. I care about the welfar/wellbeing of people and animals alike. I’m more of an advocate for animals simply because they can’t do it for themselves. I’ve seen countless people “riding the system” at my job. Think: well dressed young lady (designer clothes, authentic Couch handbag and Chanel wallet) buying all the premade food and specialty items on FOODSTAMPS! There are so many people that are just cruel and mean-hearted that it can honestly be discouraging. Its hard not to lose faith that there are good people in the world (of course there are, but they can be hard to come across sometimes). People don’t always have control over their situations, and those people I know need the help and I’m happy to give it to them. But there are a lot of people out there who are just looking to get free stuff or put other people down. There are so many druggies out there who just keep getting pregnant so they can get more welfare. That’s just one instance. I am in no way saying that all people who need a little extra help are bad. I completely understand if a good, hardworking person falls on hard times and needs some help to get back on their feet, and I have no problem with that.
Pets depend on us, and its our responsibility to take the best care of them that we can. If you can’t do that, then don’t have the animals.
I understand that some people think its best to let nature run its course, and sometimes that’s the best way. But I think your wording in the original post could have been better, and that’s what started most of this. The part where you said you put the baby in an Ann Taylor box was interpreted as a stab at the previously mentioned unemployed glider people, in that you can afford nice things since you have a job.
Everyone on here needs to not jump to so many conclusions. Just because we care about animals and defend them doesn’t mean that we don’t care about people just as much (or more). Don’t assume that we are all unemployed, some people’s jobs allow them to take their gliders to work with them. Mine doesn’t, I work with food, I know that would be disgusting to have an animal with me while dealing with other people’s meals, so I obviously don’t do it. Many people work in an office where they don’t come in direct contact with any consumer product and all their coworkers/superiors are okay with it. More work from home, see any problem having your pet with you there?
I agree with almost all of what “GG” had to say! She’s right! If you can’t afford the bill, or you can’t care for it don’t have the animal! BOTTOM LINE!
The mental health line is getting old! If you have it that bad then you should NOT have ANY kind of animal I don’t care what kind it is! You need to help yourself before you bring a helpless animal into it! That’s great that they are getting punished for your problems! THAT’S AWESOME!
You talk about how we should stop worrying so much about animals and worry more about our fellow humans, well much like what was said above, no one speaks for the animals, and if there is something wrong with a human, they have a voice, USE IT! Look at all of the places, charities, and housing for people in need, the homeless, the abused, and the neglected, and compare that to how many charities, housing, and places there are for animals! HMMMMM NOT TOO MUCH COMPARISON THERE HUH? Humans win by a LANDSLIDE! So you ask why we don’t care about our fellow humans as much as animals? Well there is your fucking answer!
I’d hate to think that there is a chance you would ever have children because you talk about how you did what was best for the glider by puting it back in with it’s mother just so that she could end it’s life in a most horrible way! So does that mean that as a mother if a murderer walked into your house and your child screamed out for your help in their room that you would just hold their door shut from the outside while screaming from the hallway “It’s OK just stay in your room and do your best to get along with the person who is about to murder you!” ? WHAT THE FUCK!?
Oh wait I guess that wouldn’t happen because, for one, we are all just some type of psychopath who is obsessed with our animals and love them more than our “fellow human beings” and two, you’d probably just eat your child to spare them the agony of having to live with any ailment that they may have!
You are rediculous and I can not reiterate ENOUGH that you should NOT HAVE ANY ANIMALS EVER! If you are fucked up so bad that you spend your day and make your money talking about how fucked up you are then you SERIOUSLY need to get whatever help it is that you NEED and leave all other living things out of it….to include your “FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS”!
And explain to me why it is that your three other gliders all are in perfect health, happy, and have PERFECT VET EXAMS!? Why have they had exams but you never bothered taking in the mother let ALONE the baby when all of this began to unfold?
And also let me say AGAIN that if you can’t stay up all night with them (as you said in your post above) or even every couple hours, or even be bothered to make a couple of phone calls for the good of that animal, you are a selfish bitch and AGAIN DON’T DESERVE ANIMALS! If you don’t have the physical, mental, or financial capabilities WHY DO YOU HAVE ANIMALS? THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE OUTSIDE OF PETS! THEY ARE A FINANCIAL, MENTAL, AND PHYSICAL COMMITMENT! They can’t survive being cooped up all day, with no love or attention, and when they are sick they need both of those AND FINANCIAL HELP FROM YOU TO GET THEM HELP TO MAKE THEM BETTER! That’s what you commit to 10 fold when you purchase, help out, adopt, or take in ANY kind of animal and you clearly turned your back on this one! Shame on you!
And I can’t help but think that the people that you spoke to on this so called “message board” that told you to keep putting the animal back in with it’s mother either didn’t get the WHOLE story from you or you neglected what they told you or put your own spin on it! Any glider owner who knew that the mother kept pushing the baby out of the pouch would tell you straight out “You need to get help for that baby or hand raise it!” BOTTOM LINE! Anyone of us on here who have ripped you apart would agree with this I’m willing to bet!
And I don’t care where you live there are people dying in the streets ALL OVER THE NATION not to mention THE WORLD! So don’t use that line about leaving your house or having someone come over to help you out! Murder, drugs, death, and crime happen everywhere! DON’T BE SO GOD DAMN NAIVE! You think that you live in the only shit hole in the US? Think again!
You know you say that we don’t know a thing about you, or your life, well guess what YOU DON’T KNOW A GOD DAMN THING ABOUT US EITHER so that’s calling the kettle a little black don’t you think? How do you know that some of us don’t have a mental or serious health issue that causes problems or different hardships in our lives! Get over yourself you aren’t the ONLY person to EVER be bothered by problems in their life!
You need to get your shit straight and you need to start by finding good homes for EVERY animal that you own, fix yourself completely and don’t think about bringing a child, animal, or any type of partner into your life until you do so! Save everyone and everything the grief!
First of all, to MacKenzie, I think enough people have been extremely harsh with Liz that she doesn’t need to hear it again. As for the “mental health line,” this is a blog about Liz’s general struggles, and not a site for ranting sugar glider owners. Liz, I believe that GG said things best. What happened to your glider was extremely tragic, and though you were doing what you thought was best you clearly didn’t put enough effort into saving Little Moxie. Possibly you have a good friend who would have been willing to help you out? I love animals, and I also try to do things for struggling fellow human beings. But the difference between pets and humans is that pets depend on their owners completely, whereas humans can (hopefully) do some things to help themselves. I am a busy university student with two jobs and hopefully a third one coming. I have volunteered in nursing homes as well as helped raise money for charities. I have two dogs that I love and would do anything for, and am expecting two hedghogs as well as two gliders in the fall, and though I am busy, I will devote all the time necessary to them. I realize you did not mean your unemployment comment the way many people took it, I am simply pointing out that people need to make time for their pets no matter how busy they are, and it is unfortunate how people lashed out at you for that harmless comment. If you decide not to neuter your male, hopefully you have learned of some better options for next time. Good luck, and stay strong despite all the crazed backlash.
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