Some Final Words for Julie

If you recall, Julie wrote in to get some advice from Team Trouble: She believes her nanny has bipolar disorder and is behaving irresponsibly for that reason. She wants to do right by the nanny, Mary, who she considers part of the family. On the other hand, she is concerned about her children. So what should she do? We’ve been giving her some advice in the past couple days, and this last comment (below) comes from Scott.

I think we ought to view bipolar and asthma similarly and with equal stigma or lack thereof. But I go to the basics here: she took your son out without clearing it with you, she shoplifted with him in her care and subjected him to that, she has been in trouble with the police before. The issue is not that she is bipolar, but that she is acting the way she is with this particular illness. I think the protection of your sons is paramount here. I would do what you can to help her, be her friend, etc, but not employ her as your nanny anymore.

I have to agree with him, Julie. I think your kindness and empathy comes through, and I admire that. But I also think Mary is out of control and is obviously not getting appropriate treatment for her illness. It is not always to a person’s benefit, when they’re ill, to allow them to “get away with things,” as bizarre as that sounds. Perhaps she has to understand the seriousness of the situation before she can doggedly pursue the treatment she clearly needs. That was certainly the case with me in the past.

And, of course, the children do come first — not to sound like a politician. Imagine if her behaviors were caused by addiction to crack or heroin. You probably would be more likely to dismiss her. (People are far less tolerant of drug abuse, I’ve noticed.) What if she were just behaving badly, and there was no illness involved? Ultimately, you would probably decide you had to look at the bottom line: is she someone you can trust to take the best care possible of your children at this important stage in their lives? It doesn’t sound like it. She may not be culpable for that fact, but it remains a fact nonetheless. I would not risk employing her again, sad as I am to say it. As Scott says, it doesn’t preclude her place in your life as a friend.

Again, this is just my opinion, and I might have no idea what I’m talking about. But I wanted to give you my thoughts.

liz | 12:01 PM | Uncategorized