Ask Amy Gets a Whopper
We’ve published “Ask Amy” questions before, but this one is really tough. I feel for this woman.
Dear Amy: I have been married for 11 years. My husband suffers from severe seasonal depression, for which he refuses to seek treatment because “there is nothing they can do.”
It is difficult for the rest of his family to cope with his depression, but we continue to try and support him.
My husband is in one of his depressive periods, and he announced today that he will be moving out and renting an apartment until the depression passes. This could mean he will be gone a month or more.
I am extremely upset because he didn’t think the decision warranted having a discussion with me.
Most of all, I resent the fact that he thinks he can just “check in” and be a part of the family, then “check out” whenever it suits him without consideration for others. Part of my resentment stems from other behavior, such as thinking he should be able to make large purchases without consulting me or acknowledging that it will affect anyone besides him.
My husband thinks I am unreasonable.
I believe we should go to a counselor, but if my husband won’t seek medical treatment for his physically disabling depression, there is no way I will be able to get him to see a marriage counselor.
A READER IN OREGON
To see Amy’s response, go here.
liz | 1:31 PM | Uncategorized
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Liz – this warrants your review separately from my post, although you may include it. The two topics do not mesh well together.
http://wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=8601
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Well, for God’s sake. The guy is mentally ill and makes irrational decisions which have ripple effects throughout his family. At the same time,
Mrs. SAD has a responsibility here too. If he’s not willing to accept the possibility that his condition is treatable (much as mine is or that of someone habituated to drugs or alcohol), how can a marriage work? …It can’t.
As someone like Mr. SAD, but who jumped into treatment early on because life was too frigging miserable or frenetic to do otherwise, I can appreciate the burden on my partner. How many excuses did he make over the years to cover my absence from social functions? What long-term savings and income hits did we take from an inappropriate career change, hospitalizations, and other nonsense brought about by my bipolar disorder?
All of this is about him, about me, and about us. This is why I’m creating a community property environment for my pension and benefits through a civil union/domestic partnership/whatever. I can’t fix past behavior, but I can do my best to help later in life, especially if BP does shorten my life expectancy.
I would have to agree with the response that was linked to: the husband has set the terms of his compromise to this situation, doesn’t seem interested in further compromise or discussion; and the wife needs to determine whether or not she can live with this and still be happy.
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