10 Tools to Live Your Life Well: Piss Off!
Lists are very popular. Americans love lists, and publications, blogs and organizations looking for PR also loves lists. Hence my cynical interpretation of Mental Health America’s newest goofy initiative Live Your Life Well, which offers 10 tools and their benefits. Now, there are certainly things we could all do to promote healthy living, especially in the context of chronic illness. But doesn’t anyone ever have an original thought? Here are MHA’s tools:
1. Connect with others
2. Stay positive
3. Get physically active
4. Help others
5. Get enough sleep
6. Create joy and satisfaction
7. Eat well
8. Take care of your spirit
9. Deal better with hard times
10. Get professional help if you need it
Why doesn’t anyone ever have anything really radical to say? How about: “masturbate often,” for instance. Or: “fantasize about punching a cashier if you’re in a long line.”
Let’s make our own list, people! This is a call for submissions. Bring it.
[Photo of the Sex Pistols meant to inspire anarchy.]
liz | 1:04 PM | Uncategorized, media
How about “squeeze your dog’s snout while singing ’snoutie snoutie snoutie’”? It lifts my spirits every time.*
*no dog is harmed during this procedure.
The above could be generalized–”Make up songs about your pet, and then sing the songs to him/her.” I don’t expect everyone to embrace the Snoutie Song.
How about screaming at the top of your lungs at random times!!
How about forgoing the pat soothing soft music and instead listen to loud and intense music (eg heavy metal) since it can be so cathartic when you are not in the sunniest of moods!!
Instead of engaging people, avoid them when your psyche can’t put up with their crap! “Engage” with a pet instead!!
These are some of my tricks in handling a suboptimal mood. But they will never probably not make anyone else’s list of living well.
at a stress management workshop this week, my coworkers and I listed sex as a great way to relax and take care of yourself! The other people there laughed and just sort of looked at us… what can I say, we’re social workers! We’re just a little bit crazy… and a lot realistic!
How about QUESTIONING AUTHORITY? I can think of nothing more beneficial to my “sanity”!
Detach with love.
Feel your feelings.
Don’t get physically active without checking with your doctor if you have a medical condition.
Put your own air mask on first, then help others pur theirs on.
Resting is almost as good as sleeping if you can’t sleep.
Don’t die so you won’t make people sad.
Don’t obsess about food.
Your spirit can take care of itself.
Okay, deal better with hard times is just stupid and I can’t come up with a response to that one.
Last one: DUH!
I know this is disgusting, but I just thought of it:
You’ve got to let the poop and piss out of your system now and then.
And know that poop and piss are a fact of life, but life doesn’t have to be about that if you take care not to let it build up in bad ways! lol
Wear soft, luscious clothing that makes you feel like a cloud when it’s next to your skin.
Create something every day.
Make eye contact.
Sing out loud to your favorite music in the car. When others stare, smile and wave.
Take your meds, when applicable.
I yell, “Poop!” anytime I’m frustrated/depressed, or feel that feeling of dread from my anxiety. Works like a charm. Sometimes. And it generally keeps people from telling me to smile or to “just be happy.”
eat cheese, and lots of it.
IN THIS ORDER–
Buy new socks(nice thick expensive kind). Throw on radiator. Get good book (short stories of Bernard Malamud or maybe Paul Bowles). Unplug communication devices. Put toasty new socks on cold feet. Champagne. Ease (or leap) into bliss.
[sorry Liz thats as uninhibited as I get nowadays]
Scream, cry, and write until the poisons empty from your brain. In some cases this is a prolonged exercise.
Watch horrific reality television.
Don’t wear panties.
Tan.
Eat a day’s worth of calories in one sitting.
Observe and make fun of others.
1.Stay away from others. They only want your flesh.
2.Negativity means you’re never disappointed.
3.Sleeping 14 hours a day means that you’re the shiznit for 10.
4.Having others help you makes you feel special and loved.
5.Sleep is all well and good but naps…. WOW!
6.Make sure that you get satisfaction, ’cause most people don’t get any.
7.Eat to excess and then compare and contrast vomit pools with your friends.
8.Make sure to drink spirits.
9.When hard times come… indulge to excess. Not like you’re going to come out of it.
10.Seek out a pro. Just no curb side counseling a la Hugh Grant.
1) Listen to your spirit guide
While you’re vacuumning and have a random thought about Robert Blake, stop what you’re doing and look him up online… then feel better about your own situation
2) Get angry and move on
3) When you realize someone’s an adzhold, walk away
4) Tell someone off online
5) Pet the cat when she least expects it
6) Eat sauerkraut and be amazed at the pungency of… you know
7) Vacuumn
9) Imagine yourself delivering the national anthem with perfect pitch and timing to a stadium filled with everyone you’ve ever secretly wished to impress
10) Work
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