Let’s All Send Our Biggest, Hugest Hugs to Susan S.
The incomparable author of If You’re Going Through Hell Keep Going is feeling bad these days. Here’s something she posted yesterday:
I am just tired. Tired of feeling ill from my meds 24/7. Tired of being too sick to work. Tired of not having any money and applying for food stamps and subsidized housing.
Tired in the fact the one trip to the city I took since 07 cause I didn’t have the money to go= I get comped two tickets for “Next to Normal”, and it triggers every trigger I have in the universe. I haven’t been the same since i saw the play.
Other than underwear, I have not bought any new clothes since 07. I have not gone anywhere, unless you count Princeton and New Brunswick. I don’t.
Living in the burbs where it’s all families and young marrieds commuting into the city- it sucks, I should be in a city- any city somewhere. Not here. Please not here.
All I ever wanted from the time I graduated from college was to be a wife and mother. The ex said he wanted children, after we married I found out he didn’t. Hence the annullment. I would have never married him if he had told the truth.
All I have at this point of my life, are broken dreams. I don’t have any dreams now.
I spend my days popping pills to sleep 18 -20 hours a day so I can be as close to death as I can without actually being dead. I have a blog which got some awards but no one visits. All I know how to do is write. And I wonder if I can every really do that.
All I know, I just want to be somewhere else before my birthday. That’s it. I just don’t know how to get there.
The cat will be fine. AK or Peter will take care of her. I am not fine. I need a dream, or a dirt nap.
Now, team, this is your assignment: Go to Susan’s blog and leave her a comforting comment. We have all been where she is now, and it’s not a good place to be. And the idea that someone else could care for kitty Holly? Ridiculous. No one loves Holly or understands her like Susan.
My life would be so much less meaningful without Susan. She has supported me and encouraged me in dark times. She has been an admirer and friend. And yes, she’s a kick-ass writer. We love you, Susan!
liz | 10:35 AM | depression, suicide
Gee whiz -
I have not bought any new clothes since 2004 not even underwear. I too have to search and find food for myself and my son. And find ways to sell anything I can pick up for free (books, clothes, anything) to buy medication. And yes it is depressing. And I too take medication for something other than bipolar but it still has side effects. But it’s life!!!! Stop whining!!!
Its not whining- it’s a call of desperation…
Hi Family member,
“But it’s life!!!! Stop whining!!!” — family member
Hmmm…I too am a family member and a very, very long time support person and caregiver and what I know from my experiences and that which has been shared with me is that for a number of seriously and severely depressed individuals this is a very painful and agonizing existence and not a “life”. From my perspective this situation more suitably requires understanding, compassion and often times a nonjudgmental ear of friendship which I believe Liz is trying to return in kind.
“My life would be so much less meaningful without Susan. She has supported me and encouraged me in dark times.” — Liz
I certainly do admire your personal strengths and survival abilities but at the same time I have known of individuals incapable of simply leaving their beds or having an ability to attend to personal hygiene or nourishment.
There are times one has to look beyond “self” at others with a kinder demeanor and compassion. There is always someone far worse off.
Warmly,
Herb
VNSdepression.com
“Family Member” could also translate as the dick of the family.
Susan- consider yourself hugged by a caring stranger. I can’t say anything but remind you that times get better. There is an ebb and flow to life that is hard to see when you’re depressed. I’d like you to focus on the intellectual truth that things can and probably will get better. It’s easy to miss when you’re not feeling well.
Be brave.
Dear LIz, and readers,
I am overwhelmed by all your kindness. Depression really hurts, you cannot see the glass half full, it’s all negative and “why bother getting out of bed”. The little things become big things, and it eats at you like a cancer.
I just posted a formal thank you to all of you and our dear Liz on my blog. I am still depressed, but I have hope it will get better because there are some great people in this world.
Thank you.
Susan S.
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