I Am Alive. Really.
![s-MAD-PRIDE-small[1]](http://blogs.philadelphiaweekly.com/trouble/files/2009/12/s-MAD-PRIDE-small1.jpg)
I owe everyone reading this a big apology. I’ve been MIA, and thinking myself expendable, I didn’t realize I had worried people. As a person who assumes my father is dead every time I see my mother’s number show up on my caller ID, I understand worry. I just didn’t realize anyone would be worried about me. (You can worry about my dad too, if you want. But he’s actually in very good health.)
What happened is this: I got a new job and promptly became paralyzed by having too many things to do. Of course, I didn’t want to post here on work time (uh … except for now), so I thought I’d post in the evenings. Well in the evenings, I’m usually playing a computer game or reading Dickens or compulsively watching Mad Men or Dexter. So I’m busy. Or at least as busy as all that activity implies. Plus, there’s the Chihuahua and my sugar gliders and my living companion … And my dad might be dead! It’s just all so overwhelming.
Kidding aside, I have felt more socially phobic and withdrawn in the past couple months than in a while. I go through phases with this. I’m on fewer meds than ever before, which means I can’t sleep. Maybe that’s contributing to my desire to isolate. Being sleep-deprived will make anyone feel boring. Who wants to see my baggy eyes?
That thing about the meds — I’m feeling pretty psyched about it. I’ve been on Seroquel for 11 years, and I assumed I’d be taking it for the rest of my life. But guess what? I’m off of it and it’s okay. I titrated extremely slowly, so I didn’t have any rebound psychosis. And if I feel the edges start to wobble, I have a canister of leftovers. But day to day, I’m now only on three meds. I’m so pleased!
I hope you’re all doing well, and I plan to write more from now on. Someone suggested maintaining this piece of my persona was important to the agency I work for. So it’s all okay.
I’ve missed you. Let’s talk again soon.
liz | 5:11 PM | Uncategorized
I’m really glad you’re still alive.
Whew. I have half written messages to your FB account several times and then suddenly realized that that kind of sleuthing would be anything but welcome. I’m just really glad everything is okay.
Phew.
LiZ is back! Liz is back!
Cat and I doing the happy dance!
Liz Spikol, I freaking adore you. Even your “Oh hai, I still exist!” posts are awesome. Glad to hear you’re doing well – and selfishly, I ask that you keep updating this here blog:-)
So relieved to hear you are okay. And I was just coming by to swipe your fish oil article for someone who thinks she can substitute it for Abilify. This makes me so glad I looked!
Glad you’re back. I’m sure you have a lot of people like me who don’t comment very often, but read regularly and were missing your posts.
Please try not to neglect your public.
Glad to hear it, Liz!
Liz reCAPTCHA got me and my beautiful reply is gone….
Welcome back! U still even more stunning than before.
And folks remmenber that Liz has a right to her privacy. I knew all the time she was fine and just too busy with life.
I’m on vidodin for pain. Major accident. From 80 mg/day at the hospital to 5mg as needed. Major pain. I took seroquel to sleep and it works for me. I could not see a BP II person on seroquel 24/7.
So glad to to hear you are OK. I’m impressed that you were able to get off of the Seroquel. I take 350mg every night and am convinced that if I didn’t, I’d never sleep again! I’m BP II and have been on as much as 600mg. I guess I’ve been on it for about 3 years. For me, it’s a life saver. Again, so glad you’re OK. When you have a chance please share with us what your job is like.
Great to see you’re alive and well.
sln
How afraid were you when you stopped taking Seroquel? I assume you tapered. But how do you manage to sleep now that you’re off it? Seroquel to me has been my sleep aid first and foremost. I dread the day I need/want to stop imbibing. My sleep is gracious and long with it. I wonder what life would be like without it.
I’m glad all is well. I’ve been taking Seroquel for 9 years, and I’ve often wondered what life might be like without it.
Great to have you back!
Enough For A Roundup | Mental Health Blogs Says:
[...] but not leastly, Liz Spikol did her first post in forever the other day. She’s far too busy to blog often, but it’s nice to see her [...]
Liz, I admit to being happy to hear you’re off Seroquel — and just in time for Lilly’s big ad campaign. How ironic. But that’s an accomplishment and we didn’t even know it was in the works. Maybe you’re building up to reducing some of the other meds too. I hope so for your sake. Congrats on your new job and we look forward to more of your dry humor coming at us!
So glad to see you back! You help me keep on fighting to be stable. Touch base when you can.
Good to see you! Thank you. I missed you.
Yay! I’m glad you are okay!!!!
AND here is some cuteness for you to think about: 1) my kitten turned 8 months old on the 18th of Dec. and 2) my kitten is sleeping right next to my other cat right this second! it is adorable!!! They were also licking each other on the head!!! And they only just met when the kitten moved in!!! 
Hi Liz, I am happy to read that you are well. I wish that we could all see you on a video post again. PS I always thought you have nice eyes. Baggy, or not.
Happy and relived to read this. But a bit afraid about insomnia. Fingers crossed.
Hi Liz-Happy 2010!-hope we see a new post from you soon.
About that “hibernation”-or whatever you wanna call it.
Actually, that’s what its called as a menopausal or pre, I mean peri-menopausal symptom.
I been doing it too, and I assumed it was me, or my meds, but since I myself recently crossed-oever into hot-flashes and no periods, (ha ha tmi!), I’ve been reading-up on the big M.
It seems that a state of “hibernation” is extremely normal in the later stages of peri-meno. Personally, it is so bad for me that I actually made a 2010 resolution to “be social”. Like in maybe I’ll get a phone or actually go somewhere.
Can you pu-leeeeeeze update your blog sometime in ‘10, if only to have last year’s depressing news bumped-down just a little?
Does Seroquel make you feel panicky, if you leave it behind? I am on 4 things, one of them being Adderall for ADD and depression, but also klonipin for the panic, mostly caused by Adderall (though, BOY, Adderall- really picks you up when you are DOWN!) and effexor for for fighting off the profound depression after the klonipin kicks in. OH, and Welbutrin, which I want to switch over to eventually, since I hate Effexor and it doesn’t do beans for me anymore. But anyone who has ever tried to quit Effexor cold turkey, you have to know people might stare, and ask,”Do you need to go to the HOSPITAL?” which makes me totally feel that I need to sign myself in. I just recently started Seroquel, but oh brother- I was once warned, “Don’t get caught in the loop of psychiatry!” when I was first prescribed Paxil and klonipin, just because I had these terrifying panic attacks on the bus, and almost didn’t finish college, as the panic started to gradually invade every other aspect of my life. I wouldn’t have made it w/out the Paxil-but look at me now! And I do get catatonic, and have days where I can’t even move- is this the Seroquel? I guess no one has to answer this. But if anyone has the energy, could you share your experiences with Seroquel and quitting it? What can I expect? Weeping? Tweaking out? Pissy, PMS-like behavior? I have read some other people’s takes on this, on those boards for every type of med, but I have seen stories of narcolepsy, profound depression, and, the fave claim, weight gain! I want to be med free, but I know it will be a looong row to hoe. Therapists! They all say something different. Anyway. Sorry to go on, and I am glad to see you back, too, Liz Spikol! When I first moved to Philly, yours was one of the first columns I encountered- I never forgot your story about the trap of SSI (which it has been suggested that I NEED! Don’t therapists make you feel like you could possibly be nuttier than you actually could ever be? And I thought I was doing OK at the time..). thank you, looking forward to more scoops from you!
Great blog, it’s keeping me from getting anything done. I’ll be keeping an eye out for updates.
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IHATETHISDAMNSITUATION! >:O
I haven’t checked in here for some time since I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are great quality so I guess I’ll add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it my friend
Hejka, wspaniale, że w Internecie można wyszukać takie ciekawe rzeczy! Wczoraj pół nocy zarwałam, jednak było warto! Polecę to miejsce swoim koleżankom, na pewno także się wciągną.
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