Kerri-Lee’s blog has a post with a list of a few people’s most hated songs of all time. Most of the selections were pretty obvious (sorry, guys), so I decided to go at it and write my most hated songs.
Somehow, it turned into a list of my most hated bands. It also turned into a ridiculous rant against pretty much every artist in the world — and I left a ton of bands I hate out. Here it is reproduced (with at least one typo corrected!) for your enjoyment.
Anything by Aerosmith, but especially their ballads (”I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” is the prime example). Bonus hate points for Steven Tyler for looking older than Mick Jagger. Hey, the poor man’s Rolling Stones are even less attractive than the original!
Anything by Billy Joel. A Joel song is okay and kinda catchy the first time you hear it. The second or third time, it starts to wear on you. By the 10th time you hear it, you’re ready to invent a time machine to go back in time and prevent Billy Joel from ever writing “Still Rock and Roll To Me.”
Any of the awful way-too-long classic rock songs — “Stairway to Heaven” (it suffers from being overplayed, and is not one of Zep’s stronger songs to boot), “American Pie” (anything by the Big Bopper, incidentally), “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” (where do I start?), “Layla” (see: Stairway to Heaven), “Freebird” (and “Sweet Home Alabama,” too). A special on-its-own mention for “Another Brick in the Wall” by sacred cows Pink Floyd, a bunch of ultra-talented musicians who got together to make awful, awful music. “Hey Jude” just narrowly misses the list.
Pretty much anything by the Chili Peppers if you’re over the age of 17, though I’d still like that “Other Side” song if I heard it again.
About 98% of Hole’s catalog. “Violet” (”Go on take everything,” etc.) is pretty good, but Hole loses points for (1) Courtney Love and (2) every girlfriend who’s ever explained to me in detail how Pretty on the Inside was outselling Bleach ’til Nirvana made it big.
There was this song called “New Age Girl” on the radio in the mid-1990s (one of those alternapop songs like Toadies, Toad the Wet Sprocket and other toad-related bands) that I am still too filled with rage about how awful it was to even look up anything about it. (If you’ve forgotten it, the song had the line, “She don’t eat meat/ but she sure likes the bone.” Even in seventh grade I found this stupid.)
Special hatred goes to Everclear, for both “A.M. Radio” (possibly the worst lyrics of all time) and for every single one of their songs being the same damn thing.
“Last Kiss,” by whoever is covering it to get the #1 spot in the Billboard Top 100 this decade. Any song that rhymes good with world should NOT be on the radio. I don’t care if you donated all the profits to Kosovo refugees, Pearl Jam, you shouldn’t have released that song. (Incidentally, the band did donate all the profits to Kosovo refugees. Still not okay.) Anything done by Pearl Jam post-Yield would probably be on my list, too.
I shouldn’t even really need to say it, but really: Anything by any of those pop-punk/pop-emo/pop-whatever bands that are just a slightly tweaked version of Blink 182 (this includes any of those bands with former Blink members in them). Blink kinda sucked, too, but at least “Dammit” was pretty good and they were funny. As with the Chili Peppers, this can be forgiven if you’re 17 or younger and/or looking to hookup with people 17 or under. That second one might not be forgiven by the law, though, so your mileage my vary.
Anything by Weezer after the first two albums (with bonus hate points for people clamoring about how great “Pork and Beans” is). And, really, those first two albums are decent, not great. Loses points for an awful live show when I saw them in 2001.
This is getting easy. Let’s get back to the sacred cows, shall we? Most of Madonna’s catalog. Definitely everything since 1994 or so. And anything the Rolling Stones have done since… hmm. Some date in the 80s, I guess. Maybe the 1970s.
“Creep” by Radiohead. Yes, Radiohead is super awesome and everyone loves them, myself included; they’re my second-favorite band ever. But “Creep” is both overplayed and not very good, especially compared to the band’s later work.
Anything by Tool, who makes A Perfect Circle palatable.
Anything by Richie Havens. I don’t know who he is, but I’m in a hateful mood right now and I just got a press release about his new album. I don’t know why record companies send me releases, but that’s beside the point. The release contains this sentence: “For over three decades, Richie has used his music to convey messages of brotherhood and personal freedom.” Richie Havens could be as good as Elvis and I’d probably still hate him for that sentence. (And I love personal freedom, too; witness my columns about drugs.)
Speaking of drugs, any song about getting high is no doubt awful. And anything by Sublime is awful (though the singles are their worst songs, and overplayed; this is more of a ‘backlash’ hate, which almost reminds me to bring up Dave Matthews and Phish). Kurt Cobain’s death made him a rock legend, which was okay because he wrote great lyrics and was in an excellent band, two things that don’t apply to the glorified lead singer of Sublime, whoever he is.
Okay, that’s enough. I guess that’s more than 10, but I hate a lot of music.
Remember, if you happen to like any of these songs: I don’t care. First off, it’s just musical taste. Also, you’re wrong and I am right. As usual.
Kerri-Lee, HOTT Nanny and JGT offer up their least favorite songs of all time [Kerri-Lee TV]