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Jan

14

Adolf Hitler Captured By Authorities

011409babyhitler.jpg Get your keyboards ready to sign some Internet petitions! The parents of everyone’s favorite New Jersey kid — one Adolf Hitler Campbell — had their three little tykes taken away by New Jersey Youth and Family Services.

Taken away were the little dictator, who’s three, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, who’s 1, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, who will turn 1 in April. Yes, if you’re wondering, little Honszlynn Hinler is named after Himmler, the head of the SS. Clearly, the parents did a lot of research before writing down their kid’s name.

[Holland Township, N.J. Police Chief David] Van Gilson said he didn’t know why the children were taken or who had custody. He said his department received no reports of abuse or negligence. [...] “Whatever children were at the home were taken,” the chief said.

Though naming your kid Adolf Hitler might be construed as child abuse, there’s no word on what, exactly, these parents did to warrant removing the child. They did whore for attention at a ShopRite in New Jersey, but who among us hasn’t attempted to put a murderous dictator’s name on a cake before? I remember my first “Happy Birthday Pol Pot!” cake.

The Express-Times has been your number one source for Adolf Hitler Campbell news; the paper broke the scandal (it’s called “Watergate II,” I believe). This was my favorite part of today’s story:

Heath Campbell, who’s previously said he picked the names to honor German ancestry and because they are unique, has reported receiving threats after the story was published.

Well, they certainly are unique. But, I mean, he coulda just gone the easy route and spelled a normal name incorrectly. That way the kid could even get a job on TV (just ask Jennaphr Frederick). I don’t think Adolf Hitler will be getting to report live from a kindergarden anytime soon, you know.

New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services removes Adolf Hitler Campbell, sisters from parents’ home [Express-Times]
 
admin | 12:09 PM | 7 Comments
Adolf Hitler Campbell, Hitler, New Jersey, Spelling, WTF
 
  1. friendlynerd Says: Jan 14 1:19 PM

    I suppose it’s child abuse insofar as the kid will never get a job, never be taken seriously, and never have a shot at a normal life as long as his name stays. Considering his parents knew damn well that was the case, it’s pretty abusive. Not that I see him doing much better in the foster system.

  2. Larry West Says: Jan 14 2:10 PM

    Agreed, the kids may actually suffer because of this move more than just the name alone. The kids could change their names when they get older, though.

  3. dmac Says: Jan 14 3:20 PM

    You can give your kid a bad name; these parents chose to give their kid the worst possible name ever: Adolf Hitler. But I don’t think that you should remove a kid from a foster home just because his parents named him Adolf Hitler or misspelled Himmler or JoyceLynn. I guess? I dunno, I’ve never had to think about this situation before.

    So I’d guess there could be more to the situation than removing the kids for just their names. I mean, going to a foster home from a situation where your parents are crazy racist fucks but at least they love you and it’s stable… I mean, yeah, it could be worse for the kids if they live in a foster home. But maybe there were worse things going on at home than just bad taste in names. Meh.

  4. Dan Says: Jan 14 5:14 PM

    If the kid doesn’t end up indoctrinated beyond repair, he’d have his name changed ASAP. But he’s in for hell growing up/trying to get a drivers license/applying for college/etc until then.

    If they really wanted to celebrate his German heritage, that could have picked people that aren’t loathed in 4/5 parts in the world, like Johann Sebastian Bach, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, or even Albert Einstein ffs.

  5. Mark Says: Jan 14 9:27 PM

    How about Osama Bin Laden Campbell, or Joseph Stalin Campbell? Maybe Vlad Dracula Campbell or Pol Pot Campbell, hmmm, Papa Doc Campbell! NO, I think these “stupid” people picked the right names to make sure they get enough money from the legal settlement they’re gonna get from the county to live the good life. Any lawyers out their looking for a “career maker”. You know people, you don’t have to like it or agree with it, but the last I checked this was still the United States of America. If I want to name my child “Poochy McNoodlebutt Obama-Sucks” that is my business. Think about it! What are you gonna do or say someday that will make you a target of the government? Reminds me of the Soviet Union.

  6. Dan Says: Jan 15 1:43 AM

    Exaggerate much?

    I agree I don’t think the children should have been taken away, but any idiot dumb enough to name their kid Hitler…well odds are they aren’t good parents.

    An aside, Vlad III is generally regarded as a hero in Romania. Something to do with being a thorn in the side of those pesky Ottomans.

  7. Sebastian Stockman Says: Jan 16 12:06 PM

    Um, Helloooo everyone!!??? Seen the news lately? I’m pretty sure New Jersey took little Adolf Hitler into *protective* custody for one reason: Tom Cruise is trying to kill him. http://valkyrie.unitedartists.com/

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