Awful New Movie Spawns Radio Report, Blog Post, Death Of American Culture

You may have seen ads on TV for the movie version of He’s Just Not That Into You, sure to take America’s bad taste to a new level when it tops the box office this weekend. KYW 1060 interviewed some local singles about the movie!

The movie looks very funny [sic] but, really? MySpacing a romantic interest? Breaking up on Facebook?

“I’ve gotten on instant messenger, I’ve gotten over the phone which really stinks and text messaging. That’s the worst one. It’s the most impersonal one.”

“The worst I ever heard of was, one of my friends had a friend of his leave a voice mail on the girl’s voice mail for him to break up with her.”

That second person totally meant “the worst thing I ever did.” Anyway, yes, radio stations, people date and break up online now. Come on, the “you creep me out” instant message has been a staple of culture for a long time now.

New Movie About Dating is Reality Check for Phila. Singles [KYW 1060]
Photo by Ed Luschei used under a Creative Commons license

Ugg Boots Wearers Getting What They Deserve, Apparently

The news we’ve all been wishing for since about 2002 is finally here! KYW 1060 reports a “local doctor” says Ugg boots are seriously damaging women’s feet.

This is like if it was later fund out those Von Dutch hats — haha, remember those? — caused cancer.

Dr. Ed Chairman a podiatrist in Center City admits they look great, but have no support for the foot and ankle and he’s seeing a number of patients in pain:

“What I’ve been doing is making them a sport orthotic, the type of orthotic you use for running even tennis. Making it fit the Uggs. If it fits the sneaker, it will fit the Uggs.

He’s not only a podiatrist in Center City, he’s the chairman of podiatrists! Anyway, Chair Man says if you have foot pain and you wear Ugg boots — so, basically, every woman younger than 45 in America — you should set up an appointment with him immediately. But of course.

Local Doc Says Ugg Boots Cause Serious Foot Problems [KYW 1060]
Photo by *spud* used under a Creative Commons license

Jamie Foxx Impersonates Mayor, Not That There’s Any Evidence Of It

“I want to thank Jaimie Foxx for coming to Philadelphia, and I just want to say it’s just awesome to have you guys here. And I’m not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe (widespread laughter).”

Hey, KYW 1060, great job on your story about Jamie Foxx impersonating the mayor. One little suggestion, and I know this is a little silly: You’re a radio station. Maybe put up some audio of Foxx impersonating the mayor? No? Well, okay, I guess it was a silly request.

(And you’re not getting off the hook either, Catherine Lucey! But at least the printed word is what the Daily News trades in. Plus she used to word “hijinks” in the headline. Only a 1 or 2 on the snarkiness factor here.)

Also: The banana in the tailpipe? Isn’t that from Beverly Hills Cop?

Update: HOORAY! All is forgiven.

Jamie Foxx Takes on a Momentary Role: Mayor Nutter [KYW 1060]
Nutter Gives Jamie Foxx Liberty Bell, Hijinks Ensue [Clout]
Thanks, RJ

Fred Sherrrrrman Out At KYW 1060

If you’ve ever listened to KYW 1060 on weekday mornings, you know the soothe Brooklyn sounds of Fred Sherman, who analyzes finance or something. I dunno what he does. All I — and, my guess is, most of Philadelphia — know about him is that he ends his reports with “I’m Fred Sherrrrrrrrman.”

Michael Klein notes today the shocking news: With the budget crunch in full swing, KYW 1060 has let Sherman go. Ol’ Freddy — who has a nice voice for eighty-five

Sherman, who just turned 85, said he called program director Steve Butler, who explained that KYW was making cuts because of the economy. “I told him, ‘I know. I’m a banker,’ ” says Sherrrrrrrman, whose distinctive sign-off drips of his native New York.

Sherman said he offered to work for free because the exposure helped his public-speaking career and bolstered his status at the office. He said Butler passed.

He was actually here since 1984, or just a little shorter than I’ve been alive. Of course, he’s still working, so I suppose he’ll be okay.

Image via FredSherman.com, also apparently shut down now, too

Gas Is Cheap, Somehow

I realize that gas prices are something more affected by instability globally than those of other products, but I love the wording of this headline. Still: The most expensive gas in Jersey is $1.89! Remember when we were kinda sorta prosperous (or at least pretending to be prosperous, by buying houses) and gas was, say, $3.00 or $4.00 and we complained a ton?

No, me neither. I sold my car a while ago. But at least I don’t get a 50-cent surcharge in cabs anymore!

Christmas Trees Are The New Crack

KYW 1060 asks in an ominous headline: Weak Economy Affecting Local Christmas Tree Sales? Oh, no! Fewer Christmas trees means fewer ornaments and garland sales, fewer garland sales means more dollar stores close, fewer dollar stores means certain doom for the U.S. economy. What will we do?!

But, oh, wait, should probably read the story:

Gary Hague has been selling trees out of his Hatfield farm for a quarter century now. Growing them for 35. And one thing he’s learned over that time:

“People are going to have a Christmas tree no matter what. If that’s their tradition, they will get a Christmas tree.” Then again, it’s not like they can just stop on a dime. It takes about 10 years to grow a tree for holiday harvest. Still, Hague’s been doing some informal checking around with neighbors and friends, and they’ve told him they’ll be buying when the time comes, starting just after Thanksgiving.

And so the story’s thesis is already broken. Whoops! To be fair, “checking around with neighbors and friends” is a better kind of evidence than “none.” It’s good to know that Christmas trees are such an American addiction this economy won’t be stopping anyone from purchasing one.

Photo by My Aim is True, licensed via Creative Commons

Philadelphian Reacts To Something

KYW 1060 has a story headlined “Philadelphia Residents React to Possible Bailout for Auto Industry.”

And how many Philadelphians will we hear from? Oh, just one.

Andrew of Manayunk says it may be time to draw a line in the sand: “With our deficit where it is, and with the mortgage bailout already, I guess someone has to take the fall for people to realize the government’s not going to bail everybody out. So, maybe this is where it has to stop.”

But Andrew concedes that’s not likely to happen because of the ripple effect the collapse of the auto industry would have on many other sectors of the economy.

Fortunately, he has two different opinions, so it’s like they surveyed a wide swath of Philadelphians.

Phila. Residents React to Possible Bailout for Auto Industry [KYW 1060]

VP Debate To Draw Up To 5 People Away From Watching Phillies Game

Well, well! It looks like Sarah Palin is a fake Phillies fan indeed! Instead of watching Game 2 like everybody else, Palin will apparently be debating Joe Biden tonight on the teevee.

KYW 1060 details the brand new dilemma: Two things on television at the same time that people want to watch! Who ever knew there could be two interesting things on TV at once? I had no idea the medium had gotten that good.

Of course, the radio station calls in an expert to let us know what will actually be happening:

Miller also points out that baseball is a game with a lot of pauses and down time, and he suspects a lot of remotes will get a workout if there’s a conflict.

Ahh, yes, the so-called “remote control.” A fine new invention, but I doubt it will catch on.

VP Debate, Phillies Game Compete for TV Viewers [KYW 1060]

Terror From The Airwaves

KYW 1060 does not want you to enjoy dinner.

Expert Warns of Radioactivity Hazard in Granite Countertops [KYW 1060 via my Tumblr]

KYW Apparently Pushing Jail For Fliers

KYW 1060 has yet another story on those race-baiting fliers and once again I am going to write about it. Apparently, the radio station is just extremely pissed off that we can’t go out and arrest those stupid skinheads who put them up and defamed Family Guy. Aargh, why can’t we just lock up people who say things with disagree with?

This latest story talks to Mayor Nutter and is headlined “Nutter Acknowledges Difficulty of Prosecuting Those Who Distributed Race-Baiting Fliers,” making me wonder if Nutter just wishes he could actually prosecute those who put up the fliers.

Fortunately, Mix Master Mike says nothing of the sort! “Much as we don’t like some things, we can’t always chase after people legally for things we don’t like,” he says, which sounds fine to me, I guess. And it certainly sounds better than notifying the authorities when you’ve been offended.

Sigh. Isn’t there somebody at KYW or the Human Rights Commission we can lock up for saying this stupid shit? Erhm.

Nutter Acknowledges Difficulty of Prosecuting Those Who Distributed Race-Baiting Fliers [KYW 1060]
Earlier today: It’s Apparently Legal To Be Offensive