Ben Franklin, Betsy Ross To Wed

OMG! Ralph Archbold, who plays Ben Franklin, is getting married to Linda Wilde, who plays Betsy Ross. Ol’ Franklin not a swinging bachelor? I guess he’s deviating from the character a bit, but overall this is completely awesome.

The wedding is on July 3 and the post-ceremony reception is at City Tavern. Naturally.

Ben Franklin, Betsy Ross actors set wedding date [AP/Philly.com]

Mayor Nutter On Colbert Report

Last night was the first of four nights of Colbert Report in Philadelphia this week, and Stephen’s first local guest was none other than Mayor Michael Nutter. (He also had on Ralph Archbold, aka The Real Ben Franklin.)

The interview segment is pretty funny, especially at the start, and the mayor gets at least one good one-liners in there. (Did you know he has dry wit? Every single article about him now mentions it!) Tomorrow The Roots are on. Sweet. Redlasso video clip is on the permalink page.

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Eli Manning Somehow Wins Super Bowl

Wow. The Ron Paul Blimp coulda crashed into the field — through the roof of the dome! — and I would have been less surprised than watching Eli Manning lead the game-winning drive in the final minute. Yes, the Giants are Super Bowl Champs, and now you have to hear about it from your annoying college friends for another few years or so. Thanks, Patriots, even when you fail to go undefeated you screw me over.

So, yes, the Super Bowl champs are a team that only beat one team with a winning record (Washington) during the regular season and beat the Eagles in game one without Westbrook and in game two when David Akers’ game-tying 59-yard field goal hit the upright.

The highlight of the game was clearly the end of the pregame show, where Ben Franklin impersonator Ralph Archbold (and other historical impersonators who probably aren’t as famous as Archbold since Philadelphia has no celebrities) helped introduce the Declaration of Independence. This had a lot to do with football.

The Founding Fathers were once again shown as freedom fighters instead of a bunch of annoying slave-humping, cannabis-smoking rich people who didn’t want to pay taxes. (They were kind of the Ron Paul supporters of their day, only effective.) Anyway, the dirty terrorist Giants defeated the all-American Patriots yesterday, so that means six more weeks of winter and it probably means John McCain wins the presidency to get us into 100 more years of war.

Ignorant Tour Guides Fight Regulation

Yesterday, City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown introduced a bill in city council that would require the city’s tour guides to be certified yearly. Reynolds Brown, didn’t specify what the penalty would be for running an unlicensed tour, but I assume it’s torture.

Today, the Inquirer gets the reaction from the city’s best historical figure impersonators, including Ralph Archbold, aka Ben Franklin. Archbold says he cringes when he once heard a duck boat driver refer to an old-timey guy as a pirate. Oh no! The tour driver on the tour where riders get quacking whistles to blow the entire time isn’t entirely accurate!

Reynolds Brown defended the measure by saying “cities like” Williamsburg, Va., and Savannah, Ga., have these laws. Then she revealed the penalty: $300. Yep, it could be a law in Philadelphia to run a tour company without a license. Oh, and there’s an application fee, too. Of course there’s an application fee! The money to pay Reynolds Brown doesn’t grow on historical trees!

The Inquirer’s Julie Stoiber also has some key background details:

Brown became interested in the issue after receiving a letter from Ron Avery, a retired Daily News reporter who now gives tours, in which he complained about clueless guides.

“In this city anyone can be a guide – even if they just stepped off a train from Minnesota and could not find Broad Street with a map,” he wrote.

Apparently, Ron Avery isn’t familiar with the American Dream, that one day a little boy can grow up and move from Minnesota via train and become a tour guide in Philadelphia right away. And one tour company, Centipede, Inc., has a 34-part manual for guides to study, as well as a three-hour test with questions like: “In what ways has Philadelphia been important in the field of medicine?”

But it’s tour guide Camilla Beuchat who gives perhaps this most honest view:

“I’d love to be forced to learn more than I already know,” said Beuchat.

Tell me about it. I can’t even read a book unless somebody forces me to do it.

Should city tour guides be licensed? [Inquirer]
Yesterday: City Council To Improve Citizens’ Lives Again

Choose Your Own Gossip Adventure

You know, there might not be a tougher job in the City of Philadelphia than local gossip columnist. Maybe firefighter. Policeman. Private eye for the state senate. Blogger. Alpaca farmer. Hot dog vendor.

Okay, so maybe it isn’t the hardest job in the world. But it is tough. How do you write gossip in a town with no celebrities? Really. I couldn’t do it. Sometimes this means items at the end will be random sightings of local TV anchors or football players, et cetera.

And then, today, it’s apparently make your own gossip item:

The world’s best-known Ben Franklin impersonator, Ralph Archbold, even has “Benjamin Franklin” on his luggage tags, reports a passenger who saw him on a US Airways flight from PHL to Miami yesterday morning.

Wait. We can do this? Sweet.

To: grossd AT phillynews

From: dmac AT philadelphiawilldo
Subject: Gossip ITem

So the other day I went to a Super Bowl party, and that was kind of fun. I know it’s not quite someone spotting Ralph Archbold on a plane, but I think it could be a good item.

Founding father flies to Florida [DN, 5th item]

Ralph Archbold Throws A Mean Curve

Let’s hope to God they mean Ben Franklin and not Ryan.

Franklin says he could help Phillies’ rotation [Daily News]
If Franklin Says So [The 700 Level]